Mr. Bornstein Goes to Wasington……… and CRASHES…. A lot=]

crash

All events are true as best I can discern, names of people are pretty much all changed.  Shocking how slow I am going through with this…

My re-entry back into biking close on the heels of my failed/Wildly Successful Depending How you Look at It ‘Sailing to Hawaii Expedition with Captain Lee’ (It should be registered that the boat was first owned by Mr. Larry Flint – hustler Magazine, and was bright pink=) and subsequent rescue by the Mexican Navy [another story for another time, my first sailboat ride=], was in the form of 83 mile bicycle ride with twin Ortlieb panniers on the rear Tubus rack, starting at my parents in Lancaster, PA and arriving in Baltimore, MD.

Epically fine ride, a huge chunk, I would say at least half or maybe more is possible via rail trails with BEAUTIFUL scenery and quaint everything in the small towns you pass through from time to time.  Big thank you to Mt. Gretna Bikes and Mike F. for helping me with route selection!

Sweet General Store near Glen Rock, all kinds of things….  Please do “Say” hello to the shopkeeper from me, he is a most amiable guy who looked forward to seeing me again…

My re-entry back into blogging is taken in the form of being comfortably numb from a previous evening of high speed traffic dodging on my very rad bicycle aptly named –  the Flying Mapache a.k.a. Mapache Volador, a.k.a. The Flying raccoon, beside my very rad Friend Tall P., and yes, moving forward, we change names and add nicknames and what not in order to maintain some privacy for those who might not want me bandying about all manner of personal introspect to everyone in the world…. where was I?  Im starting with a story from two days ago, if this is confusing I am truly sorry, if you are a critic of words and how to make ones thoughts sound good, do let me know as I am not…

…yes, going to a very fine eating and drinking establishment whose name completely escapes me right now and not only meeting quite a broad mix of wonderful guys and wonderfully ninja and beautiful ladies and also a brush with a gentleman of indeterminate age and yet of determined tipsy-ness with the courage of spirits mixed with a natural distrust of what I attribute to be a bit of confidence in the air that surrounds me, at any rate, to what he referred to himself as, a “street kid”, which, in my run on sentence structure that is only salvaged from horrific writing skills, style and complete lack of prose, not even knowing what the word really means, Jose Saramago does it, so whatever.

In tribute of respect to street kids, I offer you a Shout Out courtesy of Skrillex=]

I am no longer in possession of his name, the street kid with the ragged green army jacket, an ancient and raggedly greasy looking brownish cabby hat was touched off with a dark red scarf of sorts and decidedly grungy jeans, and, a rare commodity at this bar was his Irish warrior face paint, and of course he had already done a full body flex whilst yelling Im Irish and then arging.  You know, like…

“Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh”, and Im thinkin’, he really has delusions, but then, havent many of us…  He seriously had face paint and was Braveheart… “Freeeeeeedom!”.

At this point, Im loving my life as it is always so very interesting, and its all from the moments, especially ones with face paint=].

He was adamant about showing me his painting, annoyingly so, and then added with the lack of respect one should show another regardless of station, we are after all all human, we all can go mad, lose or win big, fate reserves no special spots for any save the ones claimed by those who will if only try.  Now once he began demanding money and threatening me, then it was time to turn on the boogie machine, but just a lil bit…

I put my right hand into a half fist with the middle knuckle held super tight and smashed the top of his table, which was to my right facing the bar and of course, THE BIG SCREEN TV, this one was yelling a basketball game at me and everyone in the bar would later approve of whatever happened in the game itself, the outcome of the rivalry, everyone that is except for our gay bartender, whom I only found out about him preferring guys over gals was due to a question I innocently asked a guy what he thought of televised sports, to which he replied, “I’m marrying your server.”

It kind of caught me off guard in a good way and that is why it is here on this page.

I forget what he said about televised sports.  His now Fiancee and not my bartender but my waiter STILL refused to acknowledge the fact that I do not follow, or have ever, televised sports.  I dont know why, it just is…

Anyway…

I hit the table hard enough for “Threatening dude intent on art sale’s” beer to dance a bit precariously and people at the bar either sharply look my way or casually in that obviously casual way at which point I no longer cared as I was following up my vulgar display of power [Pantera] and was now leaning over and what would happen were I to do that in the neck region of a man and besides, he doesnt even know me nor the fact Im just trying to help him tow the line for acceptable public composure so he doesnt get booted out!

Pedaling for Peace right=]capitol at night wash dc

That painting was shown to a lot of people and very forcibly so, eventually he nearly broke a bottle of wine and when realizing that it didnt break, he then stowed it in his backpack, now using exposure of theft and ergo ‘blackmail’ and not physical violence, he became much more amenable and ended up being semi well liked by all and leaving with a new pack of cigarettes from one very interesting and obviously wealthy person, a beer on the house, we all got some of that action and he wasnt kicked out which is the last thing his ego needed.  He never sold the painting which was of a rose and angel, though I never quite could make it out…

My reasoning for not exposing the wine theft….  It would of course suit his purposes and had enough dust on it that I didnt think it would be missed, so no point in causing a scene=]    That I was keeping him calm through blackmail and threat of violence in first place, you may think to yourself, this guy is nuts to be riding for peace, but you have to understand, everyone is on a different path and looks at the world differently, there are times, where i feel i have to vulgar in my power display in order to keep the peace.  If my display ever hurts another, at that point I will have failed terribly, so please dont think i would ever do more than allude to what is possible, never will I use it, further, I dont think I ever will have to, Im too much of a Chris for that to happen=]

As far as being a hypocrite, think of how many hypocrysises we suffer daily not in our best interest, all through out history, kind of Like Jefferson Signing the Declaration of Independence though he had slaves, many, many slaves….  Or The Battle of the Alamo, fought becuase the illegal US immigrants who were squatting on MEXICAN land refused to give up thier slaves, which was law in Mexico – no slaves.

You see?

But then, thats why you have me doing this, I make the hard decisions and walk/ride the narrowest line in a world where there is no reset button.

We ended up at this particular bar as it is on of the only two that Tall P. knows of that still serve him after he lost his D.L. and has yet to sally forth to claim another.

There was some commotion in the front and we found ourselves doing our best to convince a young lady that two car of lengths ahead of her is more than enough to simply pull out, I was gald she took our advice and the soft crunching, engine whine that repeated rocking the large truck behind hers with her Buick was a decidedly bad idea at the time and made her pinky swear with me that she wouldnt die or kill anyone if she actually would just stop hitting the truck behind her, but gentle hits, like 2 ton love taps asking for just a few more inches for MaMa…

——– real time while writing this ——–  My friend Jackies auto air spray thingy just went off, i jump every time now thinking about the time controlled release of toxic chemicals into the air and how we live in a world where the more shallow the more coveted to the point that killing the body to avoid a bad smell is whats up!

We rode home, this time there were no accidents and thats an important part of all this biking stuff…

You can guess the rest, we got back to his place in NE Washington and I slept on my thermarest sleeping pad on the floor in the screened in back porch and rode into downtown DC this am to now stay at Jackies house and consequently a, damn, i cant remember the name for the body contour foam space thing super comfy…

Back to Pauls Thursday I think we are going to do a movie apocalypse and see Star Trek on Thursday and Superman on Friday and then Tom Petty Saturday, oh my hells bells, what a day this is shaping up to be!

But this is from yesterday…  We need to go back 5 days…

To the beginning, that sounds kinda cheesy….no?

I arrived in an apartment complex on Oliver street with a super rad host named Danilee – couchsurfing.com, host, very cool if you never tried.  I tell you the joy of arriving to a place 83 miles after you started that morning, very cool, and that it was done in Luna Sandals, well, thats Epic.

We immediately began by reducing edges through the power of wine, I think I did some cooking and I know we did Kung Fu and handstands at the wall for around 2 hours including practicing the sword form I learned in Nor Cal from the Escrima style of martial arts.  Using my bike stand bamboo pole as the sword, which is the whole point, kickstand and dog be gone in one=]

The next day found us having a brunch with her friend who is marrying a psychiatrist from the Czech republic who is one of the foremost doctors doing research into psychedelics in a very serious way  for PTSD victims and achieving huge and most remarkable success.  I preface that statement with her husband as he does seem to be remarkable and thats why he got such a HOT girlfriend fiance, congrats and buena fortuna to them!

Good to know…. yes indeedy…

We then dropped her off at Dulles Int’l Aeropuerto and then promptly used our newly commandeered car, to scoot to Silver Spring.

It was a Jazz fest, i learned what party cups were and was happy to be the Designated Driver.

I got to see girls kissing – heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Makes me blush it does….

The next day we met a friend of a friend who just moved here from Lanai – Holla Hawaii!, to be the food and bev manager at 4 Seasons, and then went back to Danilee’s place to fix up her bike at a, get this, it tripped me out, a community TOOL library.  I’ve never heard of a community tool library.  And yet there it was and was very rad with a huge assortment of all manner of things.

It was like walking into an Amish Craftsman store decorated by a guy who obviously loved punk rock when it was hitting it’s stride in the 80’s, and we’re not going to argue over when punk was started, if you have a different date, rock n roll=]  He was a totally chill dude, had some sweet tats, and some mighty fine slick hair with the coif in the front.

I got picked up by Tall P. later that afternoon, little did I know of the events that began to unfold once I stepped into the Volvo wagon of power…

We went to his place to get me settled in, I had my two panniers and the thermarest I wrote of earlier, and upon walking in to his apartment, i was blasted by the odor of ammonia, hit me like a wall, just a clearly divided space in the fabric of everything.  I cannot do it justice by comparing it to being somehow akin to going from a complete and total slumber and some how somnabulistically meandering your way to very thin ice.

No, I cannot as it was much worse.  It was like a part of me that had never been awake now was awakened and I found I couldn’t handle the ride…

As I began to sneeze, TP – ha! Tee pee get it…

sorry

So, he was concerned for my affliction to gatos and I assured him that it was nothing of the sort, while cat dander could evoke a sneeze, it was lost in the haze of almost palpable amonia smell.  An overwhelmingly powerful blast.

We decided then I would sleep outside and I would help him get things ship shape, you see, he was in an accident, perhaps the Volvo of power, anyway, his sense of smell was rebooted and never came back online!  Like I told him, “Dude, if a chic comes over, she isnt going to last long man, this is withering at best, if she sticks it out, f’ it, marry her or run away cause she’s nuts!”.

perhaps some cranio sacral…

And then off we went, riding like madmen, but at this point we had only given the Water Pipe a test run, just enough to turbo charge the ride…

Hence the ninja like cat reflexes while riding and when the Mapache Volador [my bike] is unburdened, as some of you can imagine, it takes off, I take flight and while I firmly trust and believe the guys at Mt. Gretna Bikes when they told me everything has to be replaced, somehow, I think if i look deeper, while everyhting is not in like new condition, at all, one look at this bike and you see a tried and true, extremely tested machine, one that has endured temps above 120 to below freezing, being thrown into vehicles, dragged through brush, sliding on ice, numerous impacts at speed, being hit by cars – plural, carS and stood being lost at sea for 19 days with no rust upon reentry to rockin and rollin.

The tavern we went to, bless my heart for remembering the name, SHAWS Tavern.  Here is where things begin to blossom.

Im totally turned on by the bartender and yet with her extremely stylish haircut mohawk thing, slight gap which I find just right in the front teeth, she did not like guys.

Neither did her partner.

After many beers, many because they were all handcrafted and then brought keg by keg on the backs of ninjas trained in the highest reaches of the fabled Shang Ri La.

The city beyond the last horizon, it was good beer and there were many of them and once I got embroiled in being on the receiving end of some passive aggressive hating while still wanting a tip from Tall P, the vibe was very interesting.  Then a met a Doctorate student in some specialty from Iran, very cool young man.

After that, I pretty much remember leaving and then things fuzz a bit, not so much because of the beer so much as what is to come.

Paul would tell me two days later that I was the cornerstone of civility and never once even dared to flirt, which even I find hard to believe, like, I let not a single smile loose in a ‘hey baby’ manner.  Yeah right…

Anyway, he’s been the relatively sober upholder of accounts, so, Knight in Shining Armour for one if you please!  Good to be maturing, thats for sure=]

Here is where the physical damage to me takes place.  My reaction to hearing what happened put out a lot of different emotions, nearly passing out and vomiting was a clue to how bad it actually was=]

We were riding, this time very fast, in fact do you know that some of the fastest cars out there run on crazy high alcohol blends and have blistering speed, apparently so do I after imbibing, so much so that I turned one corner with such momentum that when the pedal hit the ground we both exploded up.  I hit the ground and did a kind bounce roll of which I have all manner of scabs directly into a stone wall, P. said that I immediately jumped to my feet and when he asked me if i was alright I would say, …”oh, its all good, you know, round the world ride and all”, at which point I pick up my bike, fall over, get up again, get on, and manage to take two strokes before doing a wheelie right over onto my back and becoming tangled in my bike as it fell on me.

What made all of this worse was the fact that my new Osprey backpack was so very ninja.  So ninja in fact that I thought nothing of doing the nights riding with a 20lb bag of kitty litter therein.  Its the first bag with the straps and buckles in the right places, everything about it makes carrying weight easy, so then you find yourself cruising around with a lot more weight than normal as it just feels right…..  Anyway…

When I went down, the bag added so much momentum to me hitting that i ended up getting road burn on both sides of my body as I bounced.  I also now want to take a moment and commend the construction of the Osprey packs, it survived with only some minor road rash holes in the lower right side, and probably saved my back, most of it anyway.

I finally made it up after this fiasco and found I could switch immediately back to my cocksure self and now was weaving all around everything, cars, people, plants, small animals…you name it.

Mr. Darwin, we have a table for one over here on a bike…

Kids, dont try this until you are very old, have all kinds of armor plating and cars are made of cotton candy and rainbow kisses.

It is at this point Mr. P. takes us down an alley of sorts to save me from myself and yet, it is out of the pan into the fire!

You see, we have to ride on a very narrow side walk and at one point there is the brick wall and a sign on a post that you have to go between.

That it is a most precise fit indeed was to be my undoing.

Most choose to walk their bikes, now earlier, I did this at very high speed and it was all good, but, as we know, the Beer Fairy [Tom Robbins, ‘B is for Beer’], had been speaking with me and we agreed about a lot of stuff, so I tried it again.

Have you ever stubbed a toe, or toes, multiple.  I have.

Many times.

There went the air freshner spray thingy again…!

So many in fact that I am a bit of a connoisseur of stubbed toes.

My speed and determination were great and while my lean calculated for the handlebars, it did not take into consideration the lower aspect of my bike and the space it inhabited and all forward momentum was placed on my right big toe when it hit the sign post.

Paul said he heard the crash and immediately came back around the corner and all he saw was the sign vibrating slightly…

I was gone.

Now, if you ever have stubbed your toe you know the pain, any children reading this, a toe stub is one of the most unpleasant things that can happen to your human body.  I am not sure why as there is a lot of unpleasantness which can be ascribed to your skin suit, but this is a rare delicacy for some reason, I think the surprise factors in largely, let me know if you reach a conclusion.

I was gone and I can only assume that my body dumped every last minutia of andreline that was stored up and I simply had to go, being in the pain that I was in, that and the fact that only just before this i had wrecked epically and waived it off as a trifle and now, well, I am most gratified and thankful to my body for completely blanking out the next couple hours and retroactively blanking out time and then bringing me back nice and easy, not to mention thankfully still a mite tipsy.

So up I go. I could now continue to ride about hopelessly and absolutely aimless in my being lost with absolutely zero reason to stop pedaling as I found myself verily alive and KICKIN!.dc streetmap

I then felt that what the night needed was a clue, as I obviously had none what so ever.

So when I spied three young very pretty ladies hanging out on their porch with one studious looking gentleman, I felt that obviously, right, obviously, I needed to introduce myself and apparently hang out, smoke a little herb, therapeutic you understand, for the toe and now whole body bruising and have a glass or two of wine.

And copious amounts of water, afterall, I lost a lot of blood from my toe and had to get fluid back in me!

The toe, the amount of blood that came out of a stubbed toe of this magnitude is epic, like someone pulled a damn plug on the body and you are on your way out a pint a minute.

I ended up with my LUNA SANADAL being full of dried blood, my foot was dried blood and the top 1/2 inch of my toe is hanging on by a flap of skin.

ewwwwwww.

They were all cool with the crazed, lost, bloody, absolute stranger on a bike and why shouldnt they be, I mean, they are only going to Howard to be high falutin lawyers and doctors, I know I would be whatever with a watching a bloodied version of me, i would run a little bit Im guessing.

We hung out for a while, more drinks, lots of stories and then when the last of them went to bed, I was offered the chance to sleep on their porch, even given a sheet, warm nights, woulda been perfect, I didnt want them to be the only house with a dude on the porch, so I split.

2.am.

still no clue where I am, So Im just riding and next thing I find myself looking at the capitol from a near distance, in my head I believe it went something like… whoa, there’s that building.  Such a pillar of thought that one.

For the next 3-6 hours, I am having trouble verifying and pinning down some key times, I rode around, in and through every angle I could lay a bead on as the streets were literally mine.

I dont know if you have ever visited our fair nations capitol, I had but remember it dimly, I only remember the girl flashing her breasts at the four of us elementary schooler’s from her dorm lodging across the way.  School tour=]

if you are like me and maybe a lil bit cautious around “the Man”, then perhaps, like me you would not find this a pleasing place to while away the hours.

I now must beg to differ.  You see, this bike ride is on deserted streets, and with the amount of patrol cars, marines and barricades all around, you would think it was a set from a zombie apocalypse movie, just no zombies, nobody really.

Top that off with big streets, incredibly well made, these are avenues for the capitol of the country!  And when you then rest your gaze on some of the most powerful masonry work in our country, it is a sight to behold and thanks to the beauty of the whole situation, the marines and police, whom while watchful, gave out head nobs and a measured respect which made for all the better of a tour de DC!

I recommend the tour de DC while comfortably numb from 2.30-around 5.

Its a wonderful thing to be cruising on a bicycle and watching the corridors of power come to life.  I saw The Lincoln Monument, George Washington Monument, it was all in scaffolding and no longer represented a phallus so much, the IRS building, Capitol Hill, White House, it was rad and the use of all those “names” now brings this blog under scrutiny… Im riding amongst all these are fortresses, amazing grand structures that invoke an other worldliness about them, a sheer break from scale in how massive they are, as though they seek to copy the zen imprint of a mountain.  Again, the streets are empty of people, its a blessing for a person on a bike that loves roads.

There came at one point, where I was just riding around a city block in the downtown area near the Capitol building, it was some kind of park and the the way the streets flowed around it it was like a park in a flat surface velodrome, too complicated, the roads formed a track and there I was doing circuit riding, faster and faster with every pass, I expect that seeing as I was truly the only non paramilitary should for a mile at least, I must have been on quite a few cameras attached to lots of 3 letter companies filled wit company men.

As the sun began to rise the city came to life, it was magical in its own way, these massive blocks of stone, modern day super fortresses, slowly breathing in and out, faster and faster as the sun climbs and lattes spill and the powder of health donuts with reduced calories vanish three at a time all over town.

I rode around the “Ellipse” many, many, many times… it was just so velodramus, wat could I do?  Ni modo!

At this point, having had no success in raising either Jacqueline [ignored me] or Paul [phone “dead”] from borrowed cell phones, I decided to get a hostel at Hostelling International, which was very epic indeed and the staff was super friendly, to include some of the texts to my friends like this gem:

5.30am – Chris in my lobby can you pick him up from 1009 11st NW. he also have his bike

I got a room when the day managers came in at 6, gave me a whole two days for the price of one, sweet, although I would eventually track down Jackie as I went straight to the computer and then she replied and it turns out I was only two blocks away from her place… sweet!

The clerk offered me a refund as I had only been there for 15 minutes and a vegan sub at subway, happy boy=]

Im seeing the light.  Its all about truly seeing and then seizing the moment.  Like our Kung Fu mantra Danilee and I tirelessly repeated, “No Hesitation!”.

As long as I fill my days with intense exercise [half of them at least, the other half for reminding myself why I push myself so hard=], speaking to others and trying to guide situations to every ones best benefit, always keeping safe kids and happy planet as a goal and making everything a potential adventure.  I cannot fail to be a player in a the huge Game of Life and to be a player for “good”.  none of us can fail, we simply need to become re-invigorated, to realize that the moments tat are passing you by are gone FOREVER, you cannot wait till such and such a date to do this and that, you arent even guaranteed to be alive!

All your moments are leading up to one final moment.  The last moment of your life and no mater what is happening hduring your final moment, you will see all moments that have made an impact on your life to that point.  It is that final moment where we send OURSELVES to heaven or hell, we regret what we did with the time given to us or we rejoice and go with a smile.  Either way, it is our call, it is up to us each day to prepare for this one moment in time where we learn a big answer to a huge question.

Aloha=]

New Years Resolution for Christopher Bornstein so that all may hold me accountable

FireworksinMexicocityatNewYearAnother year is about to be forever lost to the sands of the hourglass and be written off as history.  For many the passing will come with some form of alcohol induced revelry, for others it will be a most somber moment and for most, it will be nothing more than a day or two of reflection and over the counter pain meds for the hangover, but what if it were different?

What if we use this particular Neuvo Ano [New Year for those who are particularly language challenged] as a milestone in our lives, something that come next New Years, we will be able to look back and have even more incentive to push forward to the future?

For most of us the cycle that we call life is nearly fixed, only being changed when forces beyond us cause the change, we lose a job or get a promotion, we become sick, we have an accident, get into a relationship or get out of one.  How about driving the change from within for this year?

This will, for me, mark the first New Years that I will endeavor to make a concerted and conscious effort to become more than what I am today.  To be that man I for now only dream of.  I share it with you as what I hold dear to my dreaming self is noble enough for anyone who may want to question it and it is my mission to share most all of my life to help and assist you in doing that which you may ordinarily deign as a flight of fancy or some silly whimsy.  Obviously if I can pull it off, anyone can, that’s the reason for sharing.

What is life if not full of mystery and dreams, what is the point if we cannot hope for real magic in our lives?  Should we content ourselves with the search for financial stability and possibly a partner as a be all and end all?

As children did we not often seek a thrill by doing that which we were expressly forbid.  Entering rooms that were off limits, sneaking under the broken fence to explore the abandoned house, going off into the woods, getting lost and sometimes being lost on purpose… where did those days go and if we are to enter the kingdom of heaven as a child, then what are we but hypocrites who call other adults childish and demand that our youth grow up quicker?  God tells me one thing and my boss and parents another!

At some point I purposely laid this aspect of myself to rest.  The zest of life was packed in an air tight jar and slowly forgotten together with the other spices in the back of the pantry only to shine once every so often when I find myself searching for that something, my eyes momentarily lighting upon my lust for life, now covered with a thin film of dust, so long forgotten I am no longer even certain of what it is I am looking at, and yet, on some deeper level, I know that if I only opened that jar, all would be well, but even this has been bred out of us by our daily lives and the slow crush of routine which spells death through normalcy.  A slow kind of slavery if you will, with no one apparent master, so insidious in its indoctrination by all that we surround ourselves with, and find ourselves surrounded by since our very birth.  Almost like a huge corporation, that upon reaching a certain size, it nearly runs itself.  To big in scope and reason to point a finger at any one person to lay blame for what it does, as even those in its innermost workings eventually are lost to the greater ideal of the company.

This is where I lose my way, my voice in life.  Lost in the cacophony of the small and tedious, the seemingly huge responsibilities which are no more our own that those things we do in order to continue breathing and living with “things”.

Everything has a price to be paid, a membership fee, a dress code and a way of speaking that is particular to it, from “The Old Boys Club”, to the Local 284, The Masons, The hippies, Potheads, Gangsters, everyone has a price to be in that game, every game its own rules and jargon.  Whatever game you find yourself in, its because you choose to pay the price and play the game.  If you do not like it, you must follow the rules and get out, or you must be smarter and more clever.  Either way, you must recognize the overall idea and then choose which games to play and which ones to not even glance in the direction of.

So, where does that diatribe leave me…?  It leaves me in the self help section of our local bookstore looking for yet another book to read and then possibly ponder, give away or shelve as I found such gems of wisdom therein, highlighted, dog eared and yellow stickied….  Until the next self help book comes along, and I do it all again.

Lets break the cycle and actually DO some of the things I tell myself I will do someday, for what is it I am actually waiting on in order to enact these rights of passage that will set free my bonds of self imposed misery?  What moment am I truly waiting for if not now?  Its one of the most elusive drugs of our time and station in life.  If you are reading this, there is an incredibly high chance that you live in relative luxury.  Of course, such things are relative to be sure, and yet, you are fed, and for whatever reason, you have a computer, internet, and as you are reading this, you have time to surf the net for semi important things and not life or death things.

In fact, there is no one shooting at you right now, do you have any idea how many children wish they could say the same.  As they walk miles for dirty drinking water.

Make this the year you actually ENACT you resolution.  Make this the year you will keep your RESOLVE.

Enough, plenty of blah blah time later!  Time for MY resolutions and they will be thought of by me as SEEDS.  My reasoning is that all seeds have a specific set of instructions inherent to them, that, if followed will yield results.  Just like all games, seeds are another game, a set of rules, use of jargon and tools particular to them.

The results will be based upon my personal influence over my own mind and body.  The stronger I bend my will to whatever “seed” I have planted, the easier it will be for the fruits of my labor to be sweet beyond measure.  In planting a seed, I must ensure that the individual seeds planted do not over grow the rest of the garden, or, that depending on the season and time, the space and condition of the soil, I do not upset any overall balances.   Paying attention to the growth of the seed into plant, keeping balance, always keeping a balance.

I am seeking to make changes that will best effect my overall experience in life.  If our personality and responses to things are the basis for all we are, than a more quality life may only be achieved through the fundamental reconstruction of our minds, that is what this year will hold for me.

1.  Re establish base point for emotional response – So what does that mean.  It means that when I lose my wallet as I did the other day I will not resort to calling myself names and deciding that I wish Id been aborted rather than adopted.  Its unnecessary at the very least, at its worst, it is more corrosive than having battery acid shoved up ones own ass.  Truly, a keen sense of baseline when it comes to responses is key, for what is it that sets us apart from our heroes?  Why is James Bond the man when it comes to diffusing a nuclear weapon with 5 minutes on the clock, precisely because he is – Cool Under Fire.  Now I use this as an extreme example, but tone that most will be able to identify with.  That I completely lost my marbles when I thought I lost my wallet, and however well intentioned my anger may potentially have been, after all, it is quite a thing to get a new drivers license from Hawaii while in Mexico with very little cash, in fact, you cannot imagine.  All of that being said, we must be ever vigilant when it comes to justification, rationalization, all of these will enable our behaviors, but will not help us be free of their destructive consequences on those around us.

As emotions are thoughts turned into actual chemicals by the body, this is a crucial element to be in control of.  It is the essence of all our lives if we were to boil it down to a purpose, and so it shall be my beginning.

All of this is well and good, but, what do we do about it, I may as well be lassoing a tornado or driving a herb of Northern Mexico Spotted Prairie Chihuahuas!  While true in one sense, on the other hand, it is a most easy process, so easy in fact that it has been practiced by nearly all the world in one for or other since the dawn of time.  From religion to Martial arts, meditation is a key ingredient, there is no master, be they good or evil that doesn’t practice the meditative arts.  There is my beginning, a minimum of 10 minutes per day of sitting meditation.  Why sitting, because it is uncomfortable for me and I do not like it per sey, ergo, that is where I will begin.

Another aspect of this, and a potential source for my destructive behavior, is what I allow into my mind.  Unfortunately, I love action and movies with rather high amounts of violence and yet, what do I truly gain from said films?  At best, a brief sojourn from reality, at worst, some deep and systematic re programming of who I am as an individual.  Many people do not wish to lay blame on these forms of entertainment – video games, movies, TV shows, and yet we know, based on the collected science of Big Industry, that even 30 seconds, if crafted right, will exert a huge influence over the average person.  Case in point, advertising.  A Super Bowl Commercial is worth many millions of dollars these days due to its ability to get a person to buy the product.  Why would we assume that there is any difference with a TV Show or Movie?  Because we don’t want to believe there is a difference as we are not ready to do without.  Well, we must all choose our own lives and what we want them to look like, so, this is gong to be mine.  It has been shown by lab tests and scientists the world over that the mind changes, quite literally simply by watching violence.  Well, if what we seek is a world of Peace and if what I want to be is a harbinger of said Peace, I have only one option.  Drop my amount of media intake in the form of TV [shows and NEWS] and movies with violence to nil.

Meditation is now scientifically, I always love when facts are scientifically proven, then you have to really be a purposefully ignorant person to continue to spit in the face of the fact, and has been the key vessel for enlightenment since man begin to scratch marks on stone and call it history.

How Implemented – Meditate daily for at least 10 minutes.  Decrease the amount of violence I see on a daily basis, i.e. cut out violent movies and TV shows [includes News, there is nothing there that I need to know as I am part of its cause].

2.  Focus on Martial arts ad Breathing, one and the same –  The magic is in the breathing, that is the moment that the intangible becomes tangible.  Imagine, and yes, I know that you know the air is made of particles and vis a vis, is not made of nothing, no, I don’t mean intangible in the sense of a vacuum, simply put, to the naked eye, the pavement of concrete under ones feet strongly makes an impression of safety, where if a person were to walk on a sidewalk made of air at 1000 feet, another set of feelings entirely, for most, would arise.

So it is here that martial arts and especially those arts which are considered internal, are for me the most powerful.  They teach one to control the most fundamental alchemy that every living thing does, respirate, even the planet respirates, once you learn this single naked truth and see it for the true wonder that it is, you have planted a seed, you must now simply follow through with various practices to see your seed mature into a most powerful thing.

Planting the seed is a key, writing it to paper is a key, committing to a goal and then making it public is a key, it is in fact a key which causes the most consternation and war, or peace and prosperity, for we make the plantings of seeds in our promises on a personal, group, national and global level.  Empires fall because of broken words, people are freed because of kept words.

How Implemented – Daily Kung Fu – choosing from Bagua Zhang, Tai Chi, or Xing Yi.  I know the basics of all three, according to all my teachers throughout my life, he who studies the basics for a lifetime is a master in the end.  I will never have that answer if I never implement the practice.

3.  Stay in the Moment – many of these I realize are interconnected, but even as the roots and the tree limbs are interconnected, they must still be focused on individually or there will be no fruit.

Staying in the moment is part of breathing, obviously, too many moments without breath and there will be moments no more.  But what does it really mean to stay in the moment?

It is not as some may think the act of not thinking, for this is only possible to minds that have transcended even using Facebook, no it is the art of not following a thought.  For example, Mr. Bond falls from a ledge, in one moment he has the thought of what awaits him at the bottom, death by splat.  NOW, at this point, many people will become fixated on this thought, the death by splat, they will be completely focused on it and will think of nothing else except the splat up to the moment of the splat at which point thinking will cease of its own accord due to damage of the machine doing the thinking.

So here’s the rub, not following the thought to its logical end, staying in the moment, not wishing you hadn’t been pushed over [past thinking], not focused on the splat [future], but there in the moment and BINGO, grabbing the flagpole on the way down, swinging in through the window and kicking ass.

Being in the moment isn’t about not having thoughts, thoughts come constantly, its about which thoughts to follow, which ones will be kept and which are let to pass.  If not for our ability to think, we would be lost as a species and as individuals.  In thinking, we are constantly shown answers to every question, need and desire that come into our lives.  For many of us, we grab at the first thought that comes to mind and then follow it, blocking out all other thoughts, therein lies the problem.  We are using the machine incorrectly, much like the T.V. which can show us so many different things and yet many of choose to watch drivel.  Originally hailed as the great savior, it is now the great seller.  The same can be said of our thought processes.  Choose to only focus on the most helpful of thoughts time and time again, helpful to my overall aim and I shall be a master.

How implemented – Again, meditate, when moving around in life on a daily basis, focus on the breath and use the adage of every moment is a teacher to the fullest.  This may be one of the more abstract New years goals I have set for myself, and yet, one of the most important, for there can be no super HEROES in those that lose the moment.

4.  Discontinue Use of Alcohol – This is a tough one for me as I love it.  That being said, I also have a literal laundry list of scientific, spiritual and a whole host of common sense reasons why it simply is not for me any longer.

How implemented – Simple, dont drink alcohol, nor take up time explaining why not=]

5.  My diet is fairly precise and I am happy with it, BUT, there is an aspect I would like to change, late night snacking! I’m vegan, I rarely eat sugar and am not bullied into eating anything except what I want by anyone, until its my own mind of course…

One of the hardest habits I have is the late night snack.  Now, while seemingly innocuous, I assure you the devil is in the details.  For one, a late night snack is usually just before bed or somewhere in the midst of dream time.  As you may or may not know, the stomach best serves the resting body when EMPTY.  When full, one of two things, well, two that I am aware can happen.

A.  The body does not rest, and instead goes through the process of digestion.  This of course is debilitating as now I am not getting my rest, not getting rest is so deadly that it is one of the most fundamentally used forms of torture.

B.  The body decides to shut down.  I get my rest, but now I have a lump of food literally rotting in my gut all night.  This now becomes a lump of yuck that must be expelled from the body, and that takes a lot of energy to get rid of.  So now I am losing energy, and lots of it simply to get rid of food that was eaten for no purpose other than to make my tongue happy for a moment.

How implemented – Don” t eat past 8pm unless I am on some mission and haven’t eaten in days and etc etc etc, if the situation arises, I will deal with it then.

That there will be more to come to my mind as the day progresses, of course, I will add them as I see fit.  For now, this will give me plenty to work on and the results will be pretty spectacular.  I am happy for anyone to share theirs with me and I am open to suggestions and of course, have advice to share with you as well should you ask.

The world isn’t saving itself, or, better, it WILL BEGIN to start saving itself and that is when things will get increasingly difficult for us as human beings.  If not now, when?

If we look at our lives in some way that makes the daily choices we make more tangible in how they affect us long term and those around us, life will become infinitely more interesting and functional.  For this reason I leave you with the analogy of a book, or, for those who disdain such pursuits in lieu of Television, well, any long term TV show will do.

In any decent Book or TV show, there are story lines.  The story lines start when one of the characters in said story makes a choice about something.  These choices usually branch out in many ways both seen and unseen to not only us, but the characters in the story.  How often have I been blown away when a character, or choice comes up from last season, or from chapter 2 only to show again in chapter 25, having been seemingly forgotten all this time, but now, BOOM, there it is, now a pinnacle of the entire story upon which everything else, even that which was thought to be much more important, now rests.

So it is with our lives.  They are stories, you are the writer.  Unless you keep your choices simple and succinct, you may end up with an unmanageable heft of various story lines that are now beginning to write themselves as you are no longer able to maintain them, so, as with anything that involves others, they begin to take on lives of their own, which in turn greatly impact our lives, for they are of our story!

As you go through your days, remember this, PLEASE, every choice you make, even the most minute of those choices at the time, could very easily be the biggest life changer ever, and, just as possible, the greatest of choices can easily end up being dust in the wind, not worth the time you spent thinking on it.  Choose wisely and your life will show it, choose poorly and such is the story you write of your life.

Aloha and a very Happy New Year to you, may you choose wisely, and may YOU choose often that which alters your life for the good or the bad and blessed is the person who doesn’t judge until the end=]

The Almost Complete Zombie Apocalypse Training Manual for Those Who Wish to Thrive and Not Merely Survive

Last-Stand Threadless Tshirt design


A. I am Posting this as a -WORK IN PROGRESS- When this post is finally done, I will remove this header, until that time, know that more is coming, based on the depth and breadth of this singular map to survival, it will take time, but, you can get started now=]  Should the Zombie Apocalypse happen before this text is removed, all bets are off and you are on your own…  Godspeed, the future of humanity is up to you now.  

P.S., a sword is better than a gun in the long run and if it smells real funny, best not to eat it even if you are hungry…

We ask that you give us a moment of your time to give you some motivation that may seem…. odd at best, though with the advent of a new iPhone app to help you run called running zombies or something, who knows, I may not be as odd as I thought!

Its all about motivation and in that vein, by only using that which we know and love in order to have it be easily shared with you the reader, we feel we can be of service to you.

We feel that perhaps the usual suspects of getting in shape are no longer exerting their once powerful pull on you and that a bit more is needed.  Not a bit more, thats not right, a bit different…=]

Bicycle Touring and the Zombie Apocalypse

Part 1, making it all believable enough that it will indeed act as a positive motivational force.

Zombie-runningNow, before you perchance find yourself scoffing and guffawing, please, indulge us a few of your precious moments to more fully flesh out this idea for you.

Many of you have some belief in the idea or thought concept of the Zombie Apocalypse, and yes, this will be as marginally long winded as I am able to make it, my apologies, I do of course promise that it will be interesting, or at least as interesting as it seems to me with a couple glasses of wine and some wacky tabacky will allow for…  which upon this re-editing I have since stopped doing both precisely in order to reach ever higher levels of zombie escaping and ass kicking power.  More on this later in  the mental sharpening section…

Zombie movies are one of the more popular genre of our collective movie watching global community as seen in this partial list from WIKIPEDIA.  This being the case, lets tap into this collective consciousness and make something of our lives now beyond simply being entertained for one to two hours at a time in front of the ‘Tele’ or Silver Screen.

Why this way of getting in shape may actually have some unfortunate reality behind it…

For starters, as mentioned just 4 lines up, er.. 5 lines, we see a veritable cornucopia of films and television shows dealing with and including zombies.  Books, pamphlets, websites, even the U.S. Government Center for Disease Control has an entire section on Zombies!  I’d completely forgot the whole realm of games that deal with zombies and that every other game has a damn zombie level [more believers]!

As we all know that which you believe will eventually come to pass, and it seems that a majority of the planet is stoked on and kind of, in a way, actually believes in Zombies… hmmmmmmmmmm…  According to the science behind Physics, that doesn’t bode well for a walker free future!

Now add in all the little odds and ends you pick up about the goings on in our goverment with weapons research, and the overall fact that more money is being spent on weapons development and war than anything else IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, super soldier programs, biological and chemical warfare…

We see corporations are getting more and more massive, constantly buying up subsidiaries and getting its most heinous acts of crime against man and humanity lost in the never ending corridors of purposeful beaucratic slop, much like in the “Resident Evil” series’ Umbrella Corporation.Umbrella_corporation_by_steelgohst

Monsanto, making Genetically modified Insects, fish, plants including vegetables and embarking on transgressions against nature that boggle the mind, such as teaming up with the Government of the United States to engineer a plant seed that is good for only ONE cycle, all seed from the subsequent generations of this seed will be rendered sterile.  That this is only one of such many corporations like it in and around the world…  All that tampering with genes will invariably bring about something not good for us, hasn’t it always in the past!

Taking in all of this and coupling it with the scientific maxim, or the 4th Law of Thermodynamics, a.k.a. Murphy’s Law, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”, we see the opportunity for some very serious happenings down the line that may or may not be of the degree and scale of a Resident Evil, Walking Dead scenario.

So, what does all this have to do with my workout?

Good question… here’s a “For Instance”.  How often do you walk up a flight of stairs as quickly as you can and do you ever do it backwards?

Many of you will say, “never”, and then immediately think, “Why in Gods name would I, I mean, perfectly good elevators/escalators, why wouldn’t I use them!”.

Now as to the second part, the walking backwards, many of you will simply look at me undoubtedly dumbfounded and yet, do you know the amount of strength that comes from training in such a manner, the reflexes which are honed and sharpened to a level that you will not even think possible simply because you have never even thought of doing this?

And yet, how often does a person lose their grip on the stairs when running from the undead and this proves their undoing!  How many more will die because they were unable to turn around and fire off the requisite rounds into said zombies skull on the stairs simply because they could not execute a turn while going up stairs?

The Apocalypse will not be powered with electricity or oil, gas, etc, there will be no elevators, bullets will be in short supply and high demand, gas, what you can find will be in many stages of degradation and may or may not actually be able to even com-bust, and even then, who knows if streets will be passable.  No my friend, this apocalypse will be powered by you, ergo, you must come to rely on the most sophisticated and advanced piece of machinery known to man… himself.

The exercises put forth will be mostly of the mind allowing the body to follow.  We are seeking powerful minds here, new neural pathways and breaking new ground so to speak in your training regimen.  In most of the training we do, even when we think we are training the body, it is the mind that is being trained first and foremost, after all, think of how excited you are to even go to the gym most times….  The power lies in the MIND.

In using the “Apocalypse” as a method of motivation, you will feel totally fine in doing completely new exercises that you may have never thought of.  In doing so, you will begin to use new muscles and vis-a-vis new pathways in your mind to move about in turn bring on a whole new level of body conditioning and strength.  Also, there is something to this as we will show you in a bit.

Coupled with the fact you have a fun goal to ascribe your every heart pounding, sweat drenching moment, this program will be much easier to adhere to.  In using the whimsical idea that zombies may one day come to be a reality, some part of you will push just a little harder, for now all of this becomes more tangible to you.  You aren’t merely looking to be in shape for a loved one or for a potential loved one, no, you are rising above this, you have a purpose that pits you against yourself in an epic story of survival.  The Human Race depends upon YOU!

You will be learning to be hard, not just in the flesh, which may in fact continue to to be chubby and perchance even outright fat, but in the mind, your mind, which regardless of who you are when you start, you will become strong in the mind as you progress and this is what makes the difference in whatever world you find yourself.  Be it riddled with zombies or your co-workers who may as well be zombies.

You become something that is viable in the world and able to make a more positive contribution to it, you come to respect yourself which is the basis for everything in your life.

FORMAT

We will be using a multiple section format in this article to bring this all together for you as simply as possible as it is fairly diverse.  I’m seeking to help you undergo a complete transformation of the body and as mentioned, most importantly, the mind.  All links that are highlighted in that mustardy-orange-yellow color are CLICKABLE, they will give you more information and I highly advise you read them as this is written with them having been read as a part of the plan.

The sections will be, Ahem!:

0.  Stretching 101 and beyond.

1.  Bicycles and Bicycle Touring.

2.  Breathing.

3.  Running; to include how to “mix it up” and first aid for running injuries.

4.   Strength Training.

5.  Meditation.

6.  Diet.

6/a.  Fasting.

7.  Simple Exercises to Improve Hand/Eye Coordination.

8.  Mental Sharpening, or, Going Ninja.

9.  Medicine.

10.  Books that never grow dull.

10.  Whatever else I can think of that would be worthy to help you on your way!

A lot of this is based in martial arts, spirituality, Navy days, barefoot training and simple observation of the world around me and what I see people dong that really helps them move forward.  I will do my very best to make this as comprehensive as possible for you without making it impossible to implement.  Of course, as with anything, it is ultimately up to you.  You must be your own Cheerleader/Drill Instructor/Medical Doctor/Nutritionist/Herbologist/MacGyver/Ninja/ET CETERA.  Quite simply put…”You must be the change you wish to see.”.

Or else you will get eaten and or turned into a walker and I will have to take you down personally.  Enjoy=]

General Guidlines:

1.  Do not always use music when working out.  Music has been show to give a 5 percent performance increase minimum, for some up to 15 percent, I’m not sure how this is tallied, but then, I’m not a scientist, I simply do or do not believe.  This I whole heartedly believe, and since this will be a world in which energy is very difficult to come by, even if you have solar system [stuff breaks down like its job was to break down!], we wouldn’t want our zombie escapes to be dependent upon a soundtrack!

2.  If at any time you feel sharp pains, and the apocalypse hasn’t started yet, I need you to stop and really look at the situation and what you are doing.  There should be no sharp pains!  They are the beginning of injury, injury means you wont be training, not training is the beginning of a zombie in the making.  No sharp pains!  I always recommend seeing a trainer if you are having troubles, or a Chinese medicine Doctor with at least 4 years of experience OUTSIDE of their schooling.

3.  A dull ache can be the sign of a potential injury or that you are just tired, a lot of these muscles may be being used for the first time even if you are quite athletic [barefoot running for example], do not power through.  Soreness is to be expected and yet it must always be REspected as well.

4.  In all of this, I do not want you to use ICE for anything ever on your body.  I explained below in the running section.  Save ice for your drinks.

bruce lee stretching5. ALWAYS STRETCH. Of course before your workouts is demanded, but when you are watching your favorite zombie movie, when in the office, whenever it is you do what you do, if you have a moment, use it to stretch, always be ready by limbering the body.  Anything is only as strong as its ability to bend.  This is science, spirituality, philosophy, it simply makes sense.  If it is a mandatory ingredient for Master Bruce Lee, so shall it be for you… KNOW THAT FOR EVERYTHING HERE, STRETCHING IS A FUNDAMENTAL AND INESCAPABLE INGREDIENT!  It is and always shall be – the foundation upon which you build your new you.

6.  The Dan Tien is gong to be of crucial import as this is the basis for all power as we train and meditate.  I understand that there may be other thoughts and methids, I prefer to use this and hope you will make your training complete by observing it as well.  The Dan Tien as best I can discern is a space that, if you take yor hand, hold your fingers together and straight, place your pointer finger in your belly button, the tip of the piny finger will mark the location of the Dan Tien, of course, you would then have to go three D with the measurement and go into the body for its exact location.  Depending on your current knowledge and practice, one could reasonably argue for use of the Chakras as a guide.  if this rings truer with you than the Dan Tien, that is fine, I am here only to help you simply do something different from the norm.  It is, in my humble opinion, more fitting to use the Dan Tien as this is more geared to what you are training for, being Ninja.

7.  One of the most difficult things about all this is that you will be responsible for training yourself.  Something, which from an early age we are trained not to do, will be very difficult indeed.  We are taught to walk, to talk, how to think, what to think, how to behave etc.  So now, taking the time to pick yourself up and push yourself both mentally and physically will be most challenging.  It is in fact one of the reasons that you may be unhappy with your overall station in life.  We all seek the easy way out and do not pay heed to the weakness of the mind.  Know this as you move forward in this training.  You will have to do your exercises to failure, all of them.  You must go till you drop, rest, and go some more.  That’s how one becomes strong.  When you first learned to walk, you kept at it, though you were a fumbling package of nonsense with the stability of a lush with motor skills to match!  You must always be trying, always.  I refer now to lines from The Blues Traveler, “No such things as failure in he who keeps trying, coasting at bottom is the only disgrace..”.  No truer words spoken, I need you to train NOW as thought the situation is already real.  If you cannot push yourself now, do not look to be able to push yourself later.

8.  You will find yourself feeling the need to compete with other survivors.  I ask that you meditate on this and the following.  There is strength in numbers, in the movies cooperation seems to be a key, and it is the right thing to do according to current scientific theory about the early humans who would later move on to dominate and become what we are today.  Cooperation is now being touted as one of the most powerful “tools” they had at their disposal.  Further, when we look at societies that are based on competition and dominance of peace loving cultures, i.e., societies that preach competition as a superior form of living, they have all tumbled.  Historically speaking.  If we look to the Tao Te Ching, we see the age old sage wisdom, “He who lives by the sword, so shall he die by the sword.”.

It may be hard at first to believe this, so i would like you to start putting it into play now, that way you will be well versed in group dynamics, acceptance and everything else necessary to begin building a society.

Lastly, read through this article from stem to stern once or twice and then begin in earnest, and of course, ENJOY!

Section 0 – Learning to go with flow, to bend, to be…. NINJA!

This is the singular most important section outside of diet, which is why it is the zero section.  Diet has taken its place where it has as many people refuse to even consider changing their diets and therefore, we will stick to something that is more palatable and equally as important for the world that is coming up and that you are training for.

If you notice your initial reaction to the thought of actually getting into a stretch program, there in lies your first look at why this is so vitally important.  Your mind is weak.  Now you must make it strong and I will give you a laundry list of reasons why.

1.  Many scientific theories tie in ability to stretch and ability to survive into old age.

2.  The strongest people in the world, I speak to fighting capability hand to hand, are usually extremely flexible as well.

3.  Aesop, you know, the gentleman who wrote us those all important stories like the Turtle and the Rabbit [Tortoise and Hare], also did many on the important of flexibility, one such dealt with a mighty oak and a slender reed each undergoing a tremendous storm.  of course, prior to said storm, the Oak was calling the reed week and after the storm, the reed was explaining that it survived due to its ability to bend, where as the Mighty Oak was now split in two.

4.  It is a meditative practice of its own and is therefore good for your inner peace.

5.  It keeps your internal organs supple and in the correct position, further, it massages them and keeps them healthy.  Your internal organs are not meant to be in one fixed place unmovable from birth to death.  They must be taken care of as any other part of the body.  Stretching does that.

6.  If you choose Yoga or some group stretch class, you will find like minded people to help you when the rubber meets the road.  Further, if you are a guy who is a tough guy and does not believe in this, there are usually attractive women at yoga classes.  These women will go for the guy who tries his best in class.  What more do yo need tough guys?

So, now we begin with some simple yet powerful stretches which by no means make up a complete series, so you WILL have to do further research on your own, and I do this on purpose.  A, It will take you to other websites and greater knowledge, you will be able to truly learn and understand a subject, get to “know it” if you will, and that is what I am aiming for in all of this.  For yo to be your own Student and Master, this is what will give yo the best edge in the world you are now training for.

Stretches –

Bending at Waist – Seems so easy, yet I have met so many, even apparently healthy folks who cannot touch their toes without bending their knees!  You want to focus on really bending from the waist.  Keep your core engaged AT ALL TIMES.  Go slowly, there is no rush.  Bend as far as you are able without bending your knees.  Again, keep your core engaged at all times.  Breath deeply, as you exhale, go a little deeper into your stretch.  Hold for a few breaths, come up, shake out, and repeat.

Same as above sitting on the floor – Same thing.  Bend from the waist, go deeper on exhales, go slowly, keep core engaged at all times.

One leg Behind Back – Standing on one leg, bring your calf to the back of the thigh on which ever leg is not keeping yo standing.  Hold it, your foot/shin, with your hands and try a variety of foot positions and angles.

Holding One Leg – While seemingly very easy, it is actually quite difficult.  You must balance on one leg, slowly move your other leg up, hold it with your hand, and there are many ways to do this, you can hold your big tow with your pointer and middle fingers – a yoga style stretch, with your whole hand on the inside of your leg or on the outside, try them all as each brings about a different feel.

Hands Behind Back – This is a great chest opener and is also good for the aspiring protester.  One hand will be folded down/back and up, so your lower hand will end up in the center of your back over your spine, the other hand/arm, will be up/over and back.  The goal is to get your hands together in the mid back and really use this stretch to open the chest and upper body, also promoted strength gain.  IF YOU CANT bring your hands together, use a small rag or towel.  This will allow you to train your mind that the hands are meant to be holding each other, more importantly,m it activates the stretch in a much different way, different neurons, this is a very active stretch, not passive.  Lastly, you can creep your hands along the towel towards one another and will eventually not need them any more.

XingYi Stretches – under construction –

Bicycle_trafficNow we begin…  A BIKE.

First, I would like for you to get a bike or pull the unused bike out of your garage and get it tuned up.  During the tune up, pay a little extra to get some lessons on how to properly maintain a bike.  It’s the Zombie Apocalypse, cars, gas, all that stuff will be most difficult to A. come by, B. fix and C. etc etc etc.  The reason this is first is that it will be your most reliable means of transportation.  Above all, you have to be able to move quicker than a walking or running pace, this is my reasoning for putting bikes first.

Bikes are truly a dime a dozen, which is not cheapen them by any stretch of our imaginations, but to truly drive the point home that in a post apocalyptic world one must be most accustomed to working and using that which is most readily available…. in this case the Bike.  Please check out the WorldoMeters Bicycle page for a host of statistics that will literally shock and amaze you and give a huge amount of credence to what you are reading.  The bike will be a key component to your long term survival strategy.

For this to work well for you, you must be well versed in how to use the bike and fix it…. ON YOUR OWN.  One important tip is this.  If you find a bike and it has flat tires and you cannot find a new tube, patch kit, pump, what have you, stuff the tire with cloth or grass, or some other suitable material and keep on trucking, unless of course we are dealing with fast zombies, then… good luck.

The best bike as far as I can tell would be a hard tail, solid fork front mountain bike or Xtracycle.  The less fine machinery and parts to go bad the better, the sturdier the better.

Now, whoever you are, you now know how to fix a bike and are riding daily.  I understand that the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet and you are still at your day job.  Not a problem.  Start riding to work, on the weekends do long rides, and continue to increase your distances and especially your endurance.  These are zombies, they feel nothing, you must be able to go for a long time if there is a horde coming from behind, you must have enough energy to dodge and weave for the stragglers that will come from the front.

If by chance you live close to Tijuana, Mexico, you are in a fantastic position to learn some very specific moves that will allow you to basically ride through an entire bloodthirsty horde and emerge unscathed.  To this day I sometimes look back and wonder how exactly I was able to make, and yet, how happy I am that I did, for I gained a very important piece of mental luggage – FEARLESSNESS.  So, in using your rides to work and extended rides, you begin to gain the needed stamina and strength to make it happen.  By riding through cities, you learn the way, the art of not being flattened which someday, lets hope it never comes, will be your way of not being bitten and depending on the story line you are following, being scratched.

Other methods of riding to prepare and have a proper blast while doing so that we feel are best when used with the above training as well.

CycloCross training is one of the more useful bike sports to train in as it will really give you the skills you need to get out of tricky situations…

For instance, there you are cruising and next thing you know, BAM!  Dead bodies, wrecked cars, rubble, flipped tanks, downed copters etc., all over the place.  Well you wont be able to ride over them, enter cyclocross racing to see you through!

Lastly in the biking section, I would like you to begin going on longer rides.  Taking a day and even weekends and longer.  Camping, making fires, cooking your own food in the wild and generally learning what the basics are that you will need to be long term on a bicycle.  Lucky you I already have an entire section of this website devoted to that – Bicycle Touring.  Bicycle touring will be paramount as you will have to begin living the life of a nomad until you find a place or group that is able to carve out a section of land that can be safe.  Until such a time, you must be prepared to not only be on the move, but be on the move with a fairly often, if not daily pace.  There is no better way than bicycle touring.  Coming to terms with this now will have you properly prepared and all will be ready in advance.  When I started my ride I left with 140 pounds of gear and clothes, I am now down to 70-, people travel with much less than I.  learn to do things when it is easy, so when life becomes hard, you already know.  What is harder, learning to change a flat tire in the comfort of your own driveway or on the side of a zombie infested road?  This is not rocket science, but if you never start, you will never know!

Lastly, if you never have done a tour, you find yourself being focused to focus though tired, in the rain, dehydrated and ready to give up, but you cant.  You are riding on the shoulder of a road as you have been for the last 8 hours and 18 wheelers are whizzing by you at 80mph.  Though you are at wits end, you MUST REMAIN FOCUSED!  If someone swerves to close to you, you do not have recourse to be angry at them, your yells will fade into the oblivion of the open road, it is up to you to take care of you effectively.  Yelling solves nothing, responding well makes all the difference.

You will learn to be a Ninja as far as response, you will learn to listen to your “gut” instinct.  How many times have I had a huge urge to pull off the road and in doing so, saved my life.  This is a powerful transformer of ignorance and years of civilized breeding which turn you weak in the mind and in your very nature.

Are you diggin how this is working?  You will, be a survivor…..  You W I L L.

Part 2 – Building your foundation when not biking.

Part 2/A –

Your breathing, because once you stop breathing, you become one of them!

The proper way of breathing while doing anything is of paramount import.  For starters, Breathing is where the magic happens in you the human being.  You can go days without water, more days without food and for the best of us, according to The Guiness Book of World Records is… 22 minutes even!  Holy Iron Lung Batman!

So we see that time is measured in minutes and nothing more.  As we dig deeper into the mystery of breathing we see that there are many methods and ideas when it comes to what is the best way to do so.  Belly breathing, 3 part Ujji Pranayama of the Yogis and my personal favorite, the Microcosmic Orbit.

It is up to you to pick one and stick with it.  My choice was made largely for me as it was part of my Kung Fu training.  As i was getting one on one attention with it and the philosophy behind it, it was natural for me to adopt it.  It is such a boon to my everything I do, from running, to stress control, that I HIGHLY recommend and urge you to find a method that is time tested and taught by someone of knowledge.  Further, it allows you to use your body properly.  As a car must have a clean air-filter and the correct bends and twists in its air intake system, so must the human body which is INFINITELY more complex than a car have the same.  It is up to you to seek this out, it is too complex for ME to teach as I simply do not know it even close to well enough, I point you in the direction by letting you know it exists and is of the highest value, after all, you will last roughly one minute without it=]

Part 2/B – RUNNING[there is no real numbering scheme, I just like how it looks… keep reading=]

Running, both near and far, fast and slow…

This is one of the most important factors as it means the difference between life and death in every single zombie flick I have seen to date.  Further, it has been the difference of life and death in any situation where there is a “prey” and a “hunter”.  The key here is to last long enough in this brave new world to become a hunter.  In doing this, you will undoubtably go through a period of being prey, and even the most experienced hunter will at times find him/herself prey.

The one thing a human being has on nearly ALL other animals is its ability to run long distance without burning out.  if we look at a majority of other animals, they all seem to, at some point, begin panting.  Once this happens they begin a downward slide of decreased performance ultimately ending in the need to stop.  What sets us apart, we sweat.  We are water cooled and one of the very few animals that has this adaptation.  You will now begin using it to your advantage.

I would like you to star by doing some basic barefoot running.  Again, luckily for you, I have an entire beginner program set up with all the necessary ideas and science behind why this is so very important.  This will introduce you to the overall idea of running and proper form regardless what your are wearing.  It is most important that this be the foundation for your training as you will be doing A LOT of running, to suddenly come down with cramps, aches and pains will not serve you in this new world.  Take the time to train properly and SLOWLY to ensure success and survival!

You may be wondering why, when I have perfectly good trainers/running shoes, would I bother to learn to run barefoot?

Well my friend, there are two very important considerations.  One, there will no longer be running shoe manufacturers of any kind… at all, anywhere.  And if there were, how would they be delivered.  So, this initial complaint is now a moot point.  moving on…

Even though you have running shoes, it does not mean that you are a good runner.  And to this I am speaking directly to the physiognomy of the body, how it is made.  Your body is a machine, albeit one of the most complex ones on the planet, but a machine none-the-less, it works in a specific way, adheres to our accepted notions of physics, the laws of gravity et-cetera and has tried and true methods for for bringing out the best in it.  The kinetic chain of what you are doing in running is very important as it is in anything you do.  With running you get to see just how off the kinetic chain for many of us actually is.  Lets briefly look at the kinetic chain here before we continue so we have a greater idea of what it is we are doing.

The Kinetic Chain.

It must be fed certain things, and used in a certain way for optimum performance.  this is an accepted fact, and it is even accepted by you though you may not consciously realize it, there is a reason why you automatically respect Olympic athletes, professional athletes, mercenaries etc. They have all mastered their bodies and you know they did it in a certain way as they all had trainers and you know this.  So now I am your trainer for running in a world where you will not have access to what you want, but, thank god, if you are wise, you will learn to excel with what you have been given from birth.

Running barefoot takes a lot of time to build up to as the entire focus of your body and ergo the musculature, bones, everything changes.  Since we are dealing with many small bones and muscles, these will take time to re attenuate themselves to this new and correct way of being.  PLEASE, GIVE THIS TIME.  I would say that the average person living and working in daily life will need at least 3-6 months of daily training before reaching an equivalent level of running capability.  Good news is, once you have achieved this level, you will even use your current heel padded shoes correctly.

Two shoes, footwear that can help you are Luna’s, made by Barefoot Ted McDonald and Vibrams, an idea by Barefoot Ted and made by the Vibram Corporation.

Actual running training once you have attenuated your body and feet to this correct way of running:

Bruce Lee was said to run at least 2 miles and at comfortable jog per day.  In being in the Health Club business, the most fit elderly were the ones who continued to run.  It is a key supplement and especially with all the biking you will be doing, it will help to ensure proper bone density, fluidity of internal organs – i.e., your organs are not “stuck” in place which leads to many difficulties and diseases, health of colon and proper bowel movements, clarity, happiness and of course, the ability to get away from zombies.

We will start by alternating your runs between slow and steady for distance and short and fast with rests in between sets for strength and speed.

As you progress on both paths, and we will keep this easy and relatively simple, you will simply increase the overall amount of time you do for either set, i.e., you will slowly increase your distance and speed with the long distance runs and with your sprint days.

There are specific ways to properly increase based upon body type and other factors, for our sake, we are using the slow and steady method with alternating weeks.  For instance.

Week One will be slow and steady with an increase in distance.  This will apply for both the speed and the long distance.

Week Two will see an increase in speed, very slight, for the distance that you are able to run in week one.  These are very small increases, you must understand this or you will burn yourself out and worse, cause injury.

Vary your training back and forth until you have a good base and then begin training on different terrain.  From trail running, to sand, city streets, at the gym on a treadmill to the local high-school track.  By the way, the treadmill is an excellent place to get a great feel for your rhythm and speed, BUT, do not use this as your main source of running, nothing takes the place of supplying your own speed.  With a treadmill you are keeping up, in the world, you are keeping up with a speed that you must supply, the difference, especially when being chased by walkers will become evident all to quickly.

Training must always be varied for the maximum result based upon what we are aiming for and that is not merely survival, but re establishing the human race in the face of a global disaster.  

IMPORTANT TIP- When trail running and you come to a down hill, it is best to gallop.  I guess this would apply to any running, especially some of the hills in Ensenada, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, etc., ok, any hill!

I know this may sound silly, but the force on the knee during a down hill exerts a huge amount of shearing action on the knee joint.  This is b a d.  We do not want shearing forces on our joints as this will cause long and short term injury.  So, down hill we what, gallop.  This is a technique i learned by watching footage of an old western in which a Samurai with a baby had somehow ended up in the wild west and was fighting the Cowboys and the Indians.  Well, he had to run down a huge gravely hill, he did it in a gallop.  I thought it silly as a 10 year old and fast forward lots of years found myself with a lot of pain during my trail runs which was greatly aggravated coming down hills.  I remembered my Samurai and began to gallop.  Took me a time to really get functional with it, and now I use it to my advantage and can build great speed.  if you have trouble with it, take your time and remember to protect your joints always.

Stairs, oh my…..-

Why, because the elevators only work in the movies and why would you want to get yourself into a little metal box tethered by cables?  My thoughts exactly we take the stairs.  if there are the undead chasing us, we must take them quickly and be prepared to duck and jive with the best of them.  This will be a great place for you to be ninja, or you will find your last call here.  You can find stairs literally everywhere, you may not realize how prolific stairs are simply because your brain has tuned them out in favor of escalators and elevators, which is fine, but now its not.  Begin by running your stairs as you would your slow and steady runs and your fast, sprint training.

Some days you will run up stairs for as long as you can possibly go and once you get to the top, you will jog back down to the bottom turn about and run back up again, do this as many times as you can and seek to have ever greater times/distances and focus on how you feel doing it, this will be your greatest gauge of your progress.

Remember, fast and slow.  We also want to try and find varied sizes of stairs.  The more mixing up you do, the better this will be for you and your body!

A final way of mixing up the stairs, for running, we will have the stairs make another appearance in total body strength training later, is Spinning.  This is extremely dangerous and can lead to injuries!  Do not simply jump into this one, go slowly at first until you get the hang of it.  The primary focus of spinning is to focus and condition the mind.  As you run up the stairs, you will at every 5th or 10th, your program, spins as you are still heading up, or down.  PLEASE start out with this one slowly as the opportunity for broken ankles is HUGE!  Save this for your advanced workouts when you are beginning to find the tedium of all this new material boring.  By that point, your ankles, balance, mind and body should be ready for this.

MIXING IT UP IN GENERAL – Running – 

In general, a mix up for running that will always be of service would be what?

C’mon, think here, whats happening in this new world, whats going on, you’re running, did you drop everything and just run?  Probably not, you may have a machete, a can of food, a baby, I don’t know, but you have something I am sure.  And something that you simply DO NOT wish to let go of..

So a good mix up would be adding weight while you run, right?  Not only will this now activate different centers in the brain, but it will make you stronger as well.  I’m sure many of you scoff at the idea that a three pound weight in your hand would do anything to advance your training.  That’s only because you don’t understand.  Hold that three pound weight for an entire hour long run and you are on to something!

So start running with a backpack and add small but steady weight to your runs, both the slow/steady ones and the fast.  this will get your body and most importantly your mind used to having constraints while moving.  Then you can star adding weights in various places.  Heck, you can go hyper realistic and place things in the house like a water bottle and three pound weight and when the alarm goes off, you grab them and are out the door!

My reason for choosing the 3 pound weight is that it easily covers most smaller handguns and has enough weight to cover larger ones as well, see chart compliments of Mouseguns.

You know have a general idea of what can help to expand your running horizon.  One of the key functions we are doing with this is making your brain accustomed to the change.  Many runners go with as minimal gear as possible, choosing the lightest of everything from shoes to clothes.  We are now putting the onus of comfortable running on conditioning of the mind, not money spent on clothes and gear.  Does this make sense, if not, email me and we can discuss.

FURTHER MIXING-

You can also do things like running sideways, looks more like a sideways gallop, be very careful when you start this as obviously you can crack an ankle!  This will really help build strength and when you are doing it will be, again, like a sideways gallop.

Run backwards, you laugh, but when you hit the speeds I have surprised my own self with, you see how useful a tool this can be, now add a gun and a few zombies who are quicker than the pack chasing you, they are catching up, turn, pop pop pop, turn, now you’re on to something.

tire pullingRun with a big USED TIRE.  This is a most powerful workout indeed!  I don’t know if you have ever ran with a used tire, but dong so is a needed training instrument for two main reasons.  First and foremost, it is ungainly, quickly becomes mentally draining to carry while running, focusing you ever more specifically on all of your core musculature and posture, which I may add is very important in this advanced training lest you start to do damage to yourself.

As you can see, I am pulling my tire, I got lucky and found ship waste with rope attached, this is equally as difficult as now you have an added drag resistance, especially in the sand.  When I placed the tire around my neck to run, the rope added very slight drag, but, this did add an uneven balance factor that was a nice touch.

Secondly, you begin to get an idea for the scope of waste we currently take for granted in this world which is one of the foundational problems with our civilization which has led to the very real possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse which is why you are reading this.  From this tire, I will be making a pair of huaraches, the sandals used by the Tarahumara.

Shuttle Runs-

For your fast days, I would like you to include shuttle runs.  What a delightful and mind bogglingly painful exercise that once you break through the side splitting terror of it all, you will be bathed with endorphins that are usually reserved for a gun shot wound.

Set up plastic buckets, tricycles, set up stuff at intervals which are comfortable to you.  So, you have a starting line and 10 yards out, a bucket, 10 more yards, another bucket and so on, as many as you like, I suggest at least 2 “stations”.

Now, get down in your runner position and bolt to the first bucket [or whatever, if you have a lazy dog who will not move nor mind you barreling towards it, fine, whatever you want], touch it and immediately run back to the starting line, touch it, run to the second bucket, touch it and back to the starting line.  pass out, wake up, and repeat.  Do this until you decide to stop, if you want to be ninja, you will go until you vomit.  i have not done this yet, but know of people who have, it is up to you, its your apocalypse training right, would hate for you to be thinking, “damn, if only I would have run to vomiting I wouldn’t be being eaten just now”, of course as I wrote this it was being written with an English voice as that just makes the insane so much more palatable…  Palatable, get it!, cause your being eaten!… hahaha-ok, ahem…  sorry…

Now, to mix up the shuttle run.  We can do a few things.

The first you know, add weight, make sure the pack you are using can be snug on your body.  As you progress, loosen it a little and see what difference this makes.

Commando Duck ‘n’ Roll –

This is where you will dive into a forward roll as you are running forward and will pop up and immediately keep running.  This will be done as many times as possible during the run and your focus will be on being as precise as possible.  If you find yourself getting wild and really off focus, STOP!  This is an exercise with a potential for really bad accidents up to and including a broken neck.  So take this one easy and if you do not know how to do a moving forward roll, find someone to teach you.  I am very serious in this, the exercise is a powerful one, but only if you know what you are doing.  With any training it is only good if you come out stronger than when you started.  Tired is fine and to be expected, broken is fine if it is part of a specific training regimen like that of the Ninja [they actually break bones in a specific way to make them stronger once healed, we aren’t doing that], for you, I do not want anything broken, sprained, bruised or injured, are we clear.

RAIN

Running in the rain is not only a necessary addition to your practice, I am also hoping that through time and patience you will come to enjoy it as well.

IF YOU ARE INJURED [in general, but especially with the running as these injuries seem more common than not] 

I need you to stop what you are doing and not work through the pain, this is a pointless endeavor and should only be used when actually being chased by the undead.  If you feel that you have a light sprain, immediately shake it out, start slow and build the intensity of the shaking looking to mentally picture your foot doing complete circles in either direction.  This is what i learned in Kung Fu training and it DOES work, if the sprain is massive, you can try this same practice, but if the pain is too great, APPLY HEAT and immobilize with an ACE or otherwise bandage.  Once comfortable, seek an acupuncturist.

Why we do not apply ICE.  As I learned in Chinese medicine, it is for dead people awaiting burial and mixed drinks.  Ice, in essence, literally freezes the injury in place and causes you to potentially have the beginnings of a chronic condition.  Why would you, who have only just learned to run correctly based on your bodies set up, now suppose to know how to heal it, you barely even know how to feed it!  If the body wants to swell the area and heat it up, let it!  I don’t see you trying to breath for your body, so don’t muck up the process here either.  Kung Fu warriors as Ninjas, are REAL.  They kick ass for free and for profit and in the process of their training experience things that the average person may go a lifetime without getting to know.  Both of them have their own medicine angles, neither of them use ice!  Further, in this post apocalyptic world that you are training for, why would you use training which will have you reliant on something which simply will not exist?!?  THERE WILL BE NO ICE!

Ice is used by Western medicine, because we are weak and undisciplined.  When we are hurt,we do not go for what is best, we immediately want what feels best.  Big Difference.  As anyone who lives life, what is best and what feels best are rarely the same.  This is why we use ice, it is a localized, very inexpensive anesthetic.  The sooner you are able to absorb this information, the sooner you will be able to go about your training with a certain fervor and intensity.  He who can heal himself from the daily rigors of training is waaay ahead of the one who relies on another.  And once you know how to properly, then you are golden.

If you would like more information on Chinese medicine in your area, I suggest to you the NATSTA organization, you can also learn Kung Fu which would be most useful in a zombie apocalypse…

atlasSTRONG LIKE BULL [or BEAR depending upon your geographic location]

Strength Training –

There are a vast amount of ways to get this, the best and easiest would be, in my most humble estimation, the BATMAN WORKOUT!

My reasoning for this is as follows.  It can be done anywhere, at anytime and is cumulative in its return for you the exerciser.  Further, the lack of gym personnel and handi-wipes will initially be a discouragement to many and we may as well get used to a workout that we can be comfortable with when the shinola [S%$t} hits the BayBreeze [fan] slowly rotating on the ceiling.

Lastly, you will want the kind of strength that is 100 percent useful, i.e., to climb on top of things by pulling yourself up, in some cases very quickly, hopefully even the fast ones wont figure out the climbing thing so easily, but then, who knows.  If they do, all the more reason to be Q U I C K E R.

Going back to our running training and in general, speed will be of a huge advantage to you in this, and it will be one of the parts of the exercise routine that will help get you in shape initially the quickest as many of us never move that fast unless we are chasing a neighbors dog who stole our riding lawn mower keys or our 3 year old who found some of daddies porn collection and is scampering towards mommy in the kitchen, and of course, vice versa.  Im kidding…. hurm…..

How many of us ever snap from slow to fast in the blink of an eye, more importantly, how many of us have the neural connections to make the snap in the first place!

This speed is crucial to your coming out alive and more importantly, it is crucial in your daily lives right now as there is a whole world of things you are missing simply because you are unable to MENTALLY do this quick change in thinking.

As stated in the beginning, a majority of what is happening here is mental.  The body is what it is, perfect in every way as long as you treat it as is put forth in the users manual none of us have, but all innately know.  It is the mind which is our greatest triumph or stumbling block.

You have all checked out the Batman Workout, it will enable you to be on a near constant workout program even when working in whatever work you do, assuming you are not one of those who are unfortunately in slave labor like conditions, and this is a real and present situation in the world and I am sorry if you find yourself there.  Truly I am, a moment of silence for you.

The reason we are looking to train with our own body weight is, well, for quite a few reasons.  Aside from the fact that James Bond AND Batman use it as their primary training, it is also the one most extensively used by the elite special forces around the world.  If it is good for the men who are specifically trained to kill men, then so shall it be good for us as well in our quest to be that which will be most suited to kill undead men and women of course, and probably the creepy kid zombies, ewww, ok….

Now, my main recommendation for you would be a martial art, or some advanced military training.  Many of you will not be able to do this either due to scheduling or most likely, lack of teachers that you can really groove with.  With a martial art, you will et a whole package so to speak, the strength, meditation, focus and most importantly a teacher, someone to drive you like the cattle you are.  I do not speak down to you, I too am naught more than a dumb beast when it comes to my training, on the rare days I am able to push myself, I find it is usually because I have a partner with me, or someone I am training in Kung Fu.  If I am training, Ill be damned if they do more than me, and vice-versa, if they are being trained, they want to do more than the teacher, so it becomes a positive feedback loop.  Please take a moment to enjoy the Wikipedia explanation of said loop as it will be a valuable tool in your training.

Your last workout is that of making a FIRE, please read through the ENTIRE meditation section so that you can see why this is strength training as well, and a very serious strength training at that!

What Now?

You have strength, speed, stamina, you are cruising on your bike, a lot less jumpy, nerves of steel so to speak, what do we do now?  Well, now it is time to turn to the finer things which are the true foundations of what we have going here.  One will be diet, another will be meditation, not just sitting cross legged yogi style, but a meditative form that will be with you always at every part of the day.  We will need strategy, critical thinking skills, finesse, alternative logical thinking…  There really is a lot that goes into this, did I mention fasting.  Oh yes, not only will this be a set up for come what may, but here and now, during this time of relative ease it is good on both a physical, mental and moral level to fast.  As we are not yet at that part, we will save it for later.

the Samurai of yore would always have an assistant, servant, whatever you wish to title the person, usually a younger apprentice, who would take care or cooking food, washing clothes, finding places to stay, etc.  and one other very important function.  Many times I have heard it told that they were required to randomly sneak up on and attempt to strike their master.  This was a way of fine tuning the mind to always be ready.  You must now endeavor to do this on your own.

Lets start there…

yoda teaching lukeMEDITATION

You are currently in a most wonderful environment for this section of training.  Civilization.  What you ask, nothing could be farther from a meditative state than running around in rush hour traffic [see bike section 1], dealing with co-workers, children, bills, deadlines, making it to the gym, my cable going out etc.!

That’s the point.  You are constantly being tested on a few different levels.  A. you of course are responsible for all that you have in your life.  If this is not in tune with your thinking, then you have one of your first meditative mantras to focus on.  I use Mantra as an idea to focus on where many of you who are familiar with meditation, especially TM [Transcendental Meditation], use a mantra to help focus.  This is usually a sound specifically chosen for you by your teacher, and it should always remain secret!

B.  You have so many opportunities to be distracted you never have to worry about being tested as you are tested constantly on all fronts.

C.  When you start to behave in a different manner to situations which come up time and time again, you begin to see how this new way of dealing with the “same old same old” brings about an entirely new and much more appreciated outcome, you now have further motivation to continue deepening the practice.  It becomes a positive feedback loop.  This means that you do something, a good things happens you do more, more good things etc.  Whereas many today are in the exact opposite called a negative feedback loop and an even greater majority simply are stuck and they do not even realize it.

This is what is idealized in the training that Luke underwent with Master Yoda in StarWars.  It is all very well and good to be Zen and able to do a one handed handstand, but what about when you are being beaten with a stick, or when there are annoying noises… will you still be zen, and if not, then you are not ready.

Thats what we are aiming for here.  Your r e a d i n e s s.  To be Ninja in body but not in mind is POINTLESS.  If the slightest things throw you off, you are lost in a world gone mad.  If you cannot cope with the world you find yourself in now, what will you do then, when the undead roam the earth?

We begin…

Lets start simply and easily and work up to the harder stuff.

Begin by spending a few minutes a day focusing on your breath, whatever you are doing, be sure and keep the focus on your breathing.  Do this while brushing your teeth, trust me, you can do this=]  While preparing food for yourself, or ordering coffee, focus on your breath.  Remember, the breath is the life.  Engage your focus for longer and longer periods on this.  At some point, you will see that in times of stress you will begin to tune into your breathing as a sort of solace.  This is the beginning of self realization.  You will be live at this point, truly alive, when all other things can fall away in the face of your continuous breathing, you will be entering a new head space.  You will begin to look at everything around you in a brand new way.  Yes, your life will be exactly as it was, your job, your daily activities, the gym, shopping, all of it the same, yet you will be different.  You are now aware.  No longer are you mindlessly gong about a task while mentally creating a million possible futures while basing these on a million different variations of the past that either did or did not happen but in the end are meaningless because you can no more change what happened to them than you can change the outcome of a sports game on TV by lamenting a play that could have gone differently.  It is as it is and moving forward is the only way to go.  moving forward into the very moments that you find yourself in, not an hour from now, you needn’t trouble yourself with it, nor a day, a week or a year from now.  none of that matters, what matters is what you are doing right here and now and this is the beauty of a Zombie Apocalypse, we all feel deep down the rush of what it would be to live in this world for the simple fact we would have to be like the Samurai, ever aware of his apprentice who may smack him with a birch rod.  That’s the beauty, the thrill.  Being so pre-occuppied with what is truly happening that you have no choice but to be fully present.  Surely you have heard this from places other than here, and its true!

One is a Ninja, a Mohammed, a Samurai, a Buddha, a Bruce Lee, a Christ, an Olympic Gold medalist et-cetera, when one can be fully engaged in the minutiae of the moment and act seemingly according to the divine plan, to ones intuition on a gut level.  This is why you want to focus on your breath more and more.  While it may seem easy, it is not.

So to start, set your alarm, be it your watch, your smart phone, whatever on a 10 minute cycle.  Remind yourself to constantly be tuning into your breath.  And do of course use a decent alarm volume and sound!

Once you start to get the hang of “watching your breath, now I would like you to turn your attention to your posture, BUT, of course, still keep the focus on the breath!

POSTURE – 

Most of us at some time or another have bad posture.  Many live in a perpetual state of bad posture and do not even know why, nor do they even realize it.  There are many reasons for bad posture, from the living conditions which we find ourselves, and I am speaking to beds which are too soft, chairs that are made for creatures as yet to be identified but surely musn’t be human, a big one that is often overlooked is that when walks around with correct posture, current civilization techniques have rendered us to immediately register these people as proud.  if they are not wealthy or in a position superior to ours we will do everything in our power both overtly and covertly to bring them back down to the station we feel they should be placed in. naturally we do this to ourselves.POSTURE

It is time for all of that to go by the wayside, this is the Zombie Apocalypse.  Your posture is one of your greatest strengths when it comes to feeling well and actually being healthy!

Stand barefoot with your feet slightly apart.  Now stand up straight, really straight, like there is a strings of pearls dropped down from the heavens and grabbed hold of some of the hairs or flesh if you are bald on the very crown of your skull and gently pulled up.

Your chin will be raised and your head will be slightly back, I want you to feel a slight pull, or pressure in the throat area due to this.

YOUR SHOULDERS WILL BE RELAXED and pulled down and back.  Almost as though you are throwing your chest open.

Arms will be at your sides with the palms flat and open resting lightly somewhere on the side of your body, for most it will be the upper outer thigh, if your form is right and it is not this area, no worries, as God made us all different so its all good.  I am not looking for you to change your body, only your posture!

Your stomach muscles will be activated.  not flexed like you are vainly doing your best to look good in a beach photo, but activated, ready, they are sharing the burden/joy, of holding your body in right position along with your lower back muscles, the upper back muscles are still engaged in keeping your shoulders down and back.  This will take time to get used to, keep on keepin on.

Do you understand,….?  I am asking you to focus on this at all times of the day whatever you are doing, your breath and your posture are what you think of yourself transmitted to the rest of the world.  Be proud, but not vain.  You are alive, this is a lottery win of such epic proportions that I cannot begin to even describe it, a c t like it.

Your “tail” will be tucked, knees ever so slightly bent.  When you walk, as when you run, you move form the hips.  All of your movement in fact will come from this are.  The Dan Tien as we spoke of earlier, is the center for your physical being according to many schools of thought, from Chinese medicine and Martial Arts to Salsa Dancing.

You are now posturaly [that may or may not be a word] aligned and correct. Now you have to pay attention to this and protect it.  See how your shoulders creep up in tension when typing on a keyboard or when you are being yelled at by your boss or arguing with a loved one.  See how you slouch in your chair or shuffle your feet while you walk.  All of this is sending out a signal that says, “HEY ZOMBIES, COME GET ME!”.

Be the survivor you are and look like it!

SITTING MEDITATION-

There are many ways to go about doing this.  I recommend using a cushion to raise your butt higher than your ankles and feet to take the strain off your lower back.  Posture will be a key in your meditating as it was mentioned before, always focus on posture!

Now, you are seated, there are numerous ways to go about doing this.  First lets look at the different ways you can align your legs with this handy illustration here:

zazen_posturesGo for whatever posture feels best for you.  Seiza is using a small stool made specifically for meditation.

The point here is learning to work with and understand the nature of the mind, not to wrestle with your body.  That is what the previous sections are for.  here is where you look internally a what makes you who you are, further, what IS you?  When we refer to YOU, who is it we are referring to?

You will see through some time, patience and practice, that there is a definite separation of different parts of your mind, a sort of schizophrenia if you will.  There are thoughts, always there are thoughts, and yet there is also a part of you that can look at these thoughts, as you would water flowing by in a stream, or as OSHO recommends, “…look upon your thoughts as clouds crossing the sky.”.

There are a few different methods that can be employed, well, there are so many methods that it would be impractical to list them all here.  I will list those that I have found to work for me.

1.  One of the more powerful ones, again, FOR ME, you are reading this online, don’t be scared to do some research, FOR YOU=]  For me, I have found the candle to be a most powerful tool.  You simply light a single candle, in a dark room and keep your gaze focused on it and maintain this focus.  Once you try it, you will see why it is so powerful a technique, one wouldn’t think ones mind wonders so much until you have a specific task, such as staring at a candle, to remind you just how much your mind wonders!  Ensure that the candle is in a jar, or proper candle holder, I only mention this as I woke up to a small bonfire on my living room table after falling asleep during my meditation in Hawaii=]

2.  Another method is that of continuing to focus on your breath, AND, actually moving the energy imparted from this breathing in the actual microcosmic orbit we discussed earlier. Please know that this is not a simple practice.  It may take you some time and again, I am not a good one to be your teacher.  Please do your research and know that if you master this, you will have the beginnings of enlightenment within your grasp.

2/a  Focusing on the breath in coordination with focusing on your heart beats and then setting up, 4 beats per breath, et cetera.  I do not use this often, BUT, this is considered an extremely powerful meditation as it brings to bear your singular focus on the heart.  Scientists have recently discovered that the heart itself has a completely separate electromagnetic field capable of affecting anything within its radius which is measurable to 3 meters!  WOW.  Of course, spiritual practitioners have known this for some time.  Now you do, look it up, this could be the one for you.  Again, extremely powerful.

3.  One very pleasant meditation is by placing yourself in a completely natural surrounding, choosing a certain position which is comfortable and then not moving at all and completely being absorbed into the environment.

4.  Prayer.  Yes, I am talking about folding your hands, or bending your forehead to a mat and praising whatever God you so choose to claim as the one.  When I lived in Hawaii, I had the chance to have relationship counseling with a most masterful gentleman and psychiatrist [He could prescribe drugs]/therapist and he was studying to be a Catholic Priest.  I was most fortunate, aside from the insight I gained into relationships and myself, I learned a truth that I had never bothered to think of regarding prayer.  he told me that what the truly devout were doing with their epic prayer sessions was not simply to commune with god, whom they knew to be in themselves and a force surrounding everything, but they were seeking to replicate emotional responses in themselves.  They would pray until they literally felt JOY, or COMPASSION.  This is mentioned also in Buddhism, the COMPASSION meditation.  The reason for this, and now I am on my own here, is that these feelings bring about dramatic changes in the body.  As you know we are driven by chemicals, everything that takes place in the body is based upon a certain chemical setting off a remarkable series of dominoes.  As one sequence based on the feeling of self hate will bring about cancer, so will an equivalent feeling of joy or rapture, self love, bring about great healing and the ability to heal others.  Heal others you exclaim, yes, heal others, see meditation 2/a, the heart has that field of electromagnetism, it can affect a big area, if you have your transmitter sent to goodness and joy, you will bring about a change in the other persons electromagnetic field.  It has been measured that the positive feelings are stringer than negative ones, so in a situation where you have lets say a Monk [a non-denominational wants the best for all regardless of religious preference], praying at the bedside of a very sick person, should this monk have a strong enough belief, then it will be made real within the monks heart, this will in turn begin to change the frequency of the person in the bed and if done for long enough and often enough, good things can and will happen, to this we call – Miracle.

In all of these and of the myriad other ways to meditate, one seeming thought comes through with a regularity, you are not seeking to Silence the mind, so much as not be affected by the thoughts which will invariable arise from the mind.  You seek to not be effected so that you may turn your inner gaze to what truly matters.

It is designed, the mind I am referring to, it is made to think.  That is its job, 24 hours a day you will have neural activity until the day you die, and then you become a zombie and only then have extremely limited neural activity, usually associated with the “reptilian brain”, this is the lower portion of your whole package, the area that covers all the stuff you don’t think about, breathing, heartbeat, impulses, like eating, and once you change, eating other humans alive…  There is much to be learned about this and I suggest you turn to Google for more.

Now you may be wondering why meditation is very important in this post apocalyptic world.  I can only direct you in the basic of ways, as you wont fully get it until you have practiced meditating enough to be able to miss it from your day.  I am not trying to rope you in, by holding out, somethings, especially as subtle as this, are near impossible to explain, they can only be experienced.

We have All manner of martial artists and the most successful of the successful, and all of them meditate.  Spiritual Masters, Religious Leaders, I speak of true religious leaders, not those who would seek your money or your blind obedience.  Great Industry Tycoons, truly you will see the more you look that those who are most successful meditate… daily.

It is a way to gain clarity.  Once you begin to recognize that simple fact that was mentioned earlier, that of the brain being a non stop thought creating machine, you begin to see that every little incident in your life will create thoughts.  Once you see this, you start to see your urge to follow up on ALL of these thoughts.  Once you see this, you begin to understand how easily you allow yourself to be jerked to a fro.  It is not an intentionally “mean” thing that your brain is doing, it simply is what it is meant to do, thank God, as it constantly comes up with ideas, you are able to move through obstacles of all kinds.  Once you realize that it will always throw all sorts of ideas out constantly, you begin to see it as more a mad radio, constantly switching through stations until YOU choose one.  As soon as you choose any one particular station, more thoughts will now cascade under that main heading that got you to focus, the moment you pull out of that one particular cascade of thought, you can begin to search the limitless, thoughts – IDEAS until you find one that BEST SUITS THE SITUATION.

Another way to look at it is that of a constantly shifting menu.  Of course you would not be able to eat everything on the menu, you wouldn’t think of it.  What is a menu but a suggestion of something you could have.  It is up to you to choose from the selections which is best suited for you.  The same with thoughts, these are suggestions, do not seek to entertain them all or nothing will get done.

None of this can happen unless you are able to see the whole process for what it is.  No matter how much I write here, nothing will take the place of you actually experiencing it.  ONCE AGAIN, this will take some time, or maybe not, some are natural born ninja, I truly hope you are, I am not and am only speaking for myself when I speak of it taking time.  For many it does, and for a few, it is done before it began.

In gaining control of how your mind works, you can then use it to your best advantage in the quickest amount of time.  As you will be making many Life or Death decisions in fractions of a second which will have no reset or try again option, wouldn’t you agree that learning the way it works would be to your best benefit?

Mixing it up –

This is where we go Yoda style and you can begin to do static exercises.  I had initially wanted to put them in the strength training section, but feared that the overarching point would be lost, these will help you to become string, they will tighten the core of your body, BUT, the focal point is mastery of the mind.  I am now going to be explaining exercises that are very physically demanding as you are unmoving.

The Plank – This can be done in two ways and I would like you to use both of them.  The first you will be in push up position to start, you will raise up on your elbows and clasp your hands in whatever manner seems most comfortable and then you will stay there for as long as you can.  I suggest timing yourself or having a friend do it with you as otherwise your mind will trick you into thinking you did a long time when in actuality only a minute or two passed.  If that is all you can do in the beginning, no problem, just keep on keepin’ on and you will gain much core power and of course, mental control.

Squat at the Wall –  Very easy in concept, much more difficult in execution.  Find a wall, lean against it and slowly go down into a sitting position.  Ensure that your knees do not extend past your toes as this will bring about a shearing force which is bad for the knees.  Keep your arms straight in front of you, like a zombie, and simply stay for as long as you can.

Don’t get lazy, more meditative strength training to come…

And one last meditation method you probably never would have thought about and yet, I assure you  it is, further, it will save our life and tie in everything else we talked about prior to this point, well, kind of.

BUILDING FIRE–  This may well be one of the most deciding factors for your survival, not only in the world which you are training for, but the one you are living in now.  When I speak of building a fire, you must of course submit to my methodology until you are sufficiently progressed that you can dispense with the most important initial stages.

A.  You my friend will cut the wood for this fire and you will do it with a NON motorized saw.  It MUST be a handsaw, powered 100% by you.

B.  Your focus must be on a few different things at once.  Your hands will be hitting various angles and will try to get you to contort your body into a poor posture, you must avoid this at all costs and do your very best to always maintain proper posture.  I am not saying of course that you must always be upright, no, what I am saying is that you must always have an awareness of balance within your musculo-skeletal system.  For example.  If you are bending over to saw, I want your knees bent and a whole-hearted constant focus on the mid section, ensure that your stomach muscles are always more engaged than your lower back.  Further, when I talk about the stomach, I want it engaged all the way to your bits and pieces, the entire core must be activated lest this exercise go from strengthening to a slow degradation.  If you do not understand, we can chat on skype or through email.  It is very important that you maintain 100 percent awareness about your body during this sawing!

DIET – most important advice for whatever you eat – chew a lot.

Oh joy, food!  Given the circumstances the first thing I want to impress upon you is the sheer lack of readily available food and clean water.  Know this, it is very important that you do not for a minute think that the world will be as you know it now.  And if you choose to live now as though these things really and truly mattered, your whole life would become much more fulfilling.

Most if not all of you reading this will never know hunger, true hunger, yes you get hungry and it is only because you are not near a store or are out of a your favorite – fill in the blank – food that you are not satisfied immediately.  One of the first things we have to agree upon is what is and is not good for you based on what will be available to you, surprisingly, this has a 100 percent grounding in the world you inhabit today…  have you noticed that yet, you don’t need to wait for the Apocalypse to put this into effect…

You will find a lot of pre-packaged foods that will still be edible while the meat, dairy and veggie/fruit section have gone to pot.  Again, the revolution will not be electrified.

So, what do you do?  You need to read labels and understand a most simple law of “Conservation of Energy“.  Actually, that wont really help you as it refers to isolated systems, of which yours is only isolated in that you are of and in the world, ergo, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.  But you may as well learn about it as intelligence is its own reward!

What I am wanting to impart to you is the idea that your body uses energy to process what you eat and if it does not receive an equivalent or GREATER amount of energy, eventually, you’re up the creek with nary a paddle to be found!  This is a most basic idea that when applied to your eating brings about, potentially a radical shift in said way of attacking ones grub.

Many of us never stop to take the time to learn about how the body functions, so in order to wow you into submission, we will go through a very short and sweet explanation of what happens when you eat.

First you chew, the chewing will bring about the initial breakdown of the material, I use material because depending on what you are eating, it is either a food, or a food like substance thanks to modern science and your shit ability to eat proper nutrition and a severe lack of will power in the face of commercials.  As the chewing is the first contact you have with your food, I urge you to chew a lot, one of the generally accepted rules of thumb is to chew your age.  Even if it is a smoothie, this of course is speaking to the pre-Zombie Apocalypse, bless your heart of you’ve figured out smoothies once the damned walk, the chewing action is what gets the whole situation in gear, well, being technical, the sense of smell and secondarily that of sight truly get the ball rolling.  Watch a mother feeding a baby.  If ever a human ate food that would NOT need your assistance beyond a swallow, it is baby food AND YET, there they are, almost like they are pre-programmed to chew, they cant help it and neither should you!

One really great thing to have done is a colon flush by a professional, the kind where you can see all the little bits floating by and the technician is able to give you a surprising level of info about you and your bodies health based upon it.  One, you need to get over the fecal embarrassment, everyone who is a human, or that lives on this planet has waste, if yours smells of roses all the better to not be embarrassed.

Second, you will learn a lot about what is going on inside you from the technician – make sure you have a very good technician – I can only refer you to the only one I saw, but, when you share your shit with someone via a tube being inserted into your anus and water being flushed into it, you know fairly quickly if they are good or bad.  Healing Pathways, Kamuela Hawaii, speak to Denise.

Thirdly, is that a word, apparently so… you will see how little you chew, and because of that, how you lose out on many vitamins, minerals, proteins, etc. simply because you chew poorly.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I don’t think people would have to eat as much if they chewed properly.  A, their systems would have time to function properly and the signal from the brain to the stomach would get there in proper time to prevent overeating [which is a debilitating act that leads to many problems, more so than under eating, well, to a point, its complicated], further, you would get what you need from what you ate instead of having to eat twice as much, you would simply chew twice as much.  Its not really going out on a limb, I just said that to introduce edginess, its actual scientific finding….

Right…

The initial substance is broken down mechanically AND chemically through the saliva.  It is very important that you in fact chew your food and not as the saying goes, wolf it down.  Chewing and the creation of enzymes/saliva both take energy to produce.

You swallow, peristaltic action, this is the musculature of your mouth and throat, all the way down to your stomach work in concert to bring the food to your belly, sorry if you thought it was gravity, it is not and yes, it too uses energy to happen.

NOW we find ourselves in the stomach, many many things happening at once from specific enzymes based on what you ate, more muscular action and time depending on what was ingested.

All of this is very important, if you were wondering because food will be at a premium, whatever you do find will be of the up most value, and if it is unhealthy, it may be best to forgo it all together as we shall see, please, keep reading.

Once the food is properly digested, it will begin its travel through the intestine where vitamins, minerals, proteins… all the stuff that keeps you alive is taken out and disseminated to the body.  Once all has been extracted that can be extracted, it goes onto glory in the form of urine or feces.

Again, an energy consuming process, luckily, it is done for you and all you have to do is remember the following ideas.

1.  If the food you eat is unnatural, i.e. made with processed ingredients such as REFINED – sugar or salt, chemical ingredients, processed flours, oils,etc.,  the amount of energy your body will be able to take from them will be so very small, BUT, the energy your body will use to process them out of the system will be large.  Further, these ingredients will usually result in free radical cellular damage, this is usually a starting point for cancer, so now your body has to use more energy to kill cancerous cells, i.e., the immune system is now switched on, even MORE ENERGY.  If what you eat takes more energy to process and dispose of than the energy you actually are able to use from it, was it worth eating.

I’ll help you…NO.  Does this make sense?

Please allow me a different and yet totally palatable, get it – palatable, cause we are talking about eating.. no, O.K., anyway, different explanation.

You have a business, it costs you two dollars in business expense to make one dollar in profit.  At some point you will go out of business given enough time.  When it comes to your body, that is when you begin to get sick and eventually die.  Death=zombification.  You are reading this to avoid that, so please, I know that you like your Ding Dongs, god rest their little chemically driven hearts, but you simply must start learning to be ninja, and since you are what you eat, well, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT – no rocket science necessary=]

Your best bet is to go for the most natural and plant based things you can find.  There will, god willing, be veggies growing, you will need to find a book store and get some books detailing the local flora and fauna, while you are at it, since this is our first mention of book stores, take some books on local herbal remedies.  Ill explain more in the medical section.  If you are getting these books pre-Apocalypse, I would suggest Amazon as you can get great deals with used books, if it is post Apocalypse, well, no worries about things, take what you like.

Part of my reasoning for this push towards a plant based diet s that of sound scientific reasoning.  If you have not yet had a chance to see the documentary “Forks over Knives”, I strongly urge you to do so as it has nothing but very well thought out science i a form that is totally digestible, get it, digestible, cause we’re talking about food… sigh…  For you to really understand and see from collection of real world data the effect of food upon ones physical being.

Now, in this world that we find ourselves, I don’t know about you, but I would like to avoid being ill as much as possible, further, given the absolute lack of electricity, trained support staff and Scientists/Surgeons, I want to do my very best to ensure that my diet is not going to be the cause for any radical disease, i.e., cancer, heart conditions, diabetes etc.  I need to make sure that everything I eat is taking me to a healthy place and not one where I will eventually have to rely on modern science to cure me as, THERE WILL BE NO MORE MODERN SCIENCE!  Again, if it relies on electricity or complicated schooling/production to be of service to me, it is not relevant in this world, ergo, I must begin to separate the wheat from the chaff now, while it is relevant.  It is easiest to change a tire for the first time when the tire does not need to be changed.

As this is not an angle to try and convert you to veganism, I will finish by adding that the science is overwhelmingly in favor of a plant based diet for the health of the human body.  if you get used to it now, you will have a much better understanding of what it takes to make a diet like this work, AND, it will make your eventual homesteading much easier and will keep you on the look out for seed packets which will be the beginning of your sustainable lifestyle.  Should you be interested in learning more, I have a fairly decent article here, though, please know that once the Apocalypse begins most of it will be rendered moot, so, if you are truly interested, I would strongly urge you to start now – Vegan Beginner Guide.

Now, this brings up a very important subject that we spoke about very early on in this instruction manual.  MONSANTO.  There are a few reasons for this and you need to know of them as it will greatly impact your health both pre and post The Rise of the Walking Dead.

Monsanto is currently one of the most talked about and most aggressive companies in the field of genetically altering or natural food supply and the insects associated with it.  This is troubling to you for the followings reasons:

1.  Genetically altered fruits and vegetables are more and more being found responsible for food allergies, eczema’s, all manner of conditions which WILL NOT, make the zombie days easier.

2.  They currently own and have the co-patent with the United States Government, for the “Terminator Seed” technology.  In its most basic explanation, if you were to plant a seed that had this tech built into it, you would get one plant, so far so good.  Lets say its corn.  You now take ALL the kernels and plant them, kernels being the seeds of corn.  NONE OF THE KERNELS WOULD GROW.  This is Terminator technology.  It makes you the farmer totally dependent on the company Monsanto, or whomever they and the United States government lease this tech too.

3.  Genetically altered fruits/veggies have been shown to have far fewer of their non modified versions levels of vitamins and minerals.  In some cases, what vitamins and minerals are available are rendered, how shall i say, odd, no longer natural and so readily used by your very natural human body.

4.  Currently, the corn they are mass producing contains the genetic map to self produce BT TOXIN.  This is an insecticide which causes the stomachs of the insects to explode.  If you think that this is an acceptable by product, you probably dont need to hear much of what I have to say.

5.  Most large countries and many Third World Countries are increasingly banning use of all GMO’s due to their scientific findings of birth defects, loss of babies in-utero and upon being born, cancer growth, destruction of natural flora and fauna, the list is long an definitely warrants further review by you while you still have internet and electricity to run it all.

My point in all this, for now, have a small garden, for two reasons.

A.  You need to learn to grow a plant.  Don’t even worry about your dairy farm you meat eaters are dreaming of and seem to want to bring up when we have conversations until you at least figure out how to grow something, and no, it is not so easy.  It takes time to learn and to respect the seasons, many many things go into getting a seed to sprout, let alone getting the sprot to make food.

B. you want to learn basic seed saving methods now, while you still have Google and Youtube.

Simple Sprouting Guide.

1.  Go to store.

2.  Buy any bean that has been dried.

3.  Come home and soak beans for 24 hours in clean water.

4.  After soaking, place beans in a colander [the thing you use to get the water out of the spaghetti, that has all the little holes].

5.  Place a towel over the top of it to control the humidity, don’t want them too dry!

6.  Water the beans twice a day, morning and night.

7. Two to four days you should have magic in the form of sprouts.

8.  Congratulations are in order, try this with many seeds and nuts, show your children and change the world, THIS is the stuff that will save you!  This will not work with seeds or nuts that have been artificially dried by an over or microwave as they are now dead.  And of course, the seeds that are salted and friend in oil like the cocktail mix, if you can get them to sprout, you have some serious skill and probably don’t need to worry about anything written here.

So now you are eating well and learning to fend for yourself as far as growing food, ergo, being self reliant and sustainable, what now…  Duh, now you learn what half of the worlds population knows on a daily basis – How to Starve.

FASTING

I’m sure this is coming like a wrecking ball to your dreams of spinning helicopter kicks and precise blows to the sides of zombies heads with Ninja Swords.  I assure you that this is one of the more relevant entries in this work.  You see, in the beginning, you will have a relatively easy time of finding food, I mean to say, that for the first month, you should have good pickins’, IF YOU CAN SURVIVE THE TRIP, that’s the rub isn’t it, but that aside…

There will be deep freezes that will stay cold for some time, and places where you will be able to find food a plenty early on, but as time begins to stretch out, finding food will become ever increasingly difficult.  You will be of course in competition with other survivors, or if you are intelligent, you will be in cooperation with them.  Think on that.

Now, for the sake of or sensitivities with not eating, we have to be prepared to do such a thing.  Part of that preparation comes from understanding why we are gong to do this and then how.

Why, well, to prepare us for periods of time when food will not be readily available.  Many of us, if we go a few hours past or “normal” meal times, begin to quite literally panic as though we would die at any moment.  This needs to be worked out of the program as it is an abhorrent sickness resulting from a life that is simply to comfortable.  You have literally lost touch with what is needed and what is realistic.

A majority of the world is stoked to have 2 meals per day and does exceedingly well with it, for instance, Shaolin Monks, some of the fiercest and most refined warriors on the planet, they eat two meals, small, per day, yet they can do two finger hand stands.

A larger part of the worlds population simply doesn’t have enough to eat at all and is in fact under nourished.  It is these people I want you to focus on now.  I want you to feel what it is to be without, which, when you see what your options are, you are still doing far better than these poor souls as ITS YOUR CHOICE!  These people have no choice in the fact that they have nothing to eat.  So you will be learning compassion, one of the greatest weapons at your disposal in any situation, especially a Zombie Apocalypse.

Fasting is good for a few reasons, beyond getting to learn to live with the edginess and confusion hunger brings, which will be a most necessary frame of reference, I see how often people literally become bumbling fools upon missing a single meal, do you truly think this person is going to last in a Zombie Apocalypse.   You will need to be on point at all times, no matter what the situation.

Secondly a fast, here in this pre-apocalypse world, will give your body a chance to heal.  Do you recall what we spoke of early as to the energy used to process food, it s a lot of work, your body doesn’t multi-task as easily as you think, this time of reduced caloric intake will give your body time to heal o a deep level.  This healing will include detoxing the body of all the junk that collects through your day to day life.  I speak now to carcinogens, chemicals, heavy metals, all the products of living in society.

You probably have things going on in your body that you are not even aware of, cancers, on such a small level they are as yet undetectable and totally natural.  Everyone has errant cells in his or her body, we dispose of them regularly, as with anything, giving time to catch up on tasks is a fantastic way to ensure long term health.

How we do this…

There are many different ways to fast, we are going to go over three.  As for all fasts, I would like you to turn to a mostly raw plant diet for at least 2 days prior of any of the fasts.  So smoothies, salads, etc.  I will flesh this out as the article progresses, for now, as always, do your own research.  The most likely to survive is the one with a mind most capable of thinking for itself and finding knowledge on its own terms.

The first three days will be the most difficult.  Trust me on this, especially if you have never done it before…  It will seem like you are going to die, in this time, I would like you to really meditate on hunger and the condition of those arond the world who do not have the luxury of actually deciding to be hungry as you are now doing.  I need you to become strong for them in this time.  To grow up as a human…

The first is the Master Cleanse –  You will be drinking a concoction of lemon juice, mixed with lime, the lime is alkaline and will trump the acidity of acidic fruits, you want to be alkaline.  Maple Syrup, the real stuff as it has vitamins, minerals and most importantly sugars that are easily processed by the body.  Number one user of sugar is the brain, what happens when you get low on sugar, you get loopy, this will ensure that never happens.  Cayenne, a very powerful detoxer, not a word, and ninjaficating additive.  lastly, copious amounts of water.  Make large volumes of this mix to taste, and DO NOT make it exceedingly sweet!  This will be your entrance to oblivion!

You drink this all day and start with a 5 day cleanse at first.  Of course, as long as you are doing O.K., you can go longer!

Things to remember –

When you bitch and moan, remember, you are doing this to become stronger.  Secondly, now you know how it feels, get used to it.  Millions DAILY feel like this for weeks on end and not because they have a choice.  It is simply as it is for them.  You have a choice.  if you truly feel that a zombie apocalypse is possible, then you must get used to this now.  You will feel agitated, grumpy, you will get light headed, the works.  Better to “survive” these symptoms now and get them out of the way so that when the apocalypse comes, you don’t get munched because you are dealing with hunger pains…. How Ironic, you get eaten because you cant handle not eating….  Of course you do realize that food will not be a given, unless you are a zombie then there will be food running all around.  Most of you will die in the first few hours of the apocalypse, sorry, its just a simple fact.  For those of you who make it past the initial few hours, you will have a host of difficulties to overcome and lack of food will be a big one.

In the meantime, use this experience to help you re-evaluate the life you are living and maybe make some changes now and who knows, maybe we could avoid the whole sordid mess!

NINJAPALOOZA and the Sangria Apocalypse!

ninjapalooza y the sangria apocalypse

Join us for a truly fantastic day of workshops at Montessori school Tipai!  Starting with Tai Chi at 8am, yoga for cyclists, Bellydancing, Kung Fu, Capoeira, and Salsa followed by a Vegan dinner sponsored in part by Daiya Cheese and Tofurky! Vegan gourmet Pizza, lasagna, salad with apple slices and candied pecans, apple pie, artisan beer, wine and sangria. Wine and Sangria provided by Diana Alvarez and Ana Ceci, proud makers of Vinomio. Thanks to our Bellydancers, musicians, fire ninjas, capoeiristas, yogis, ninjas, chefs, parents, friends, family and salsa troupe for such a wonderful event.Ninjapalooza team!
There will also be a handmade products bazaar the entire day along with Mate lemonade and Sangria!

ninjapalooza y the sangria apocalypse

Batman workout!

Nolan Fans site batman pushups in jail

You may or may not habe seen the movies, so you may or may not have an inkling of what I am writing about.

First thing the Christian Bale Batman does in the movies upon greeting the day is what?

Push ups and situps, even in The unholiest of Prisons as seen here…

Nolan Fans site batman pushups in jail

This is the basis for our re-ninjafication of our bodies. For that matter, in the original James Bond novels, Mr. Bond did 100 pushups and sit-ups first thing in the morning as well, no matter where or what was going on. There IS something to this!

My idea of The Batman Workout is a combination of The Dark Crusader, meets Shaken not Stirred 007 and this dude from South Beach Miami who would randomly drop and do ten pushups whenever he found himself not doing something.  Get stuck on the computer, or its turning on, the ever popular loading phase, do 5 or 10.  I have been told that the biggest problems arensolved not as a whole, but in taking small pieces at a time.  For me losing and maintaing a healthy weight is a daunting task at times. Further, to maintain a healthy muscle mass and internal power is more dauting still!  This is one way I have found to circumvent long hours in the gym and keep a daily attention to my health.  And when I do spend long hours in the gym, or, as I find myself doing a lot, on a bike, this workout is a perfect compliment.

There can be no excuses when it comes to our bodies.  Do not let the power of rationale lead you to the surgeons blade.

When you step back, you see the genius of this workout.  A. It can be done anywhere.  You can do 5 pushups in any clothing and not break a sweat.  Do 5 push ups 5 times a day.  Thats 25.  For many of us, thats 25 more than we currently do.  This will add up over time, and a relatively short period of time if I may say so.  Remember, I used to weigh 100 pounds more than I do now, I speak from experience as I earned my health back over a period of six years. As you do your pushups, you will become stronger.  As you become stronger, you will naturally do more.  Now lets say you do 7 instead of 5… 42 almost twice as many at the end of the day….  Can you see the boon in this way of working out?

First thing in the morning, you do push ups. As I was taught in Kung Fu, you want to have your elbows pointing to the rear more so than the sides for the maximum effect. In the push ups to the laft, youll see the opposite, the elbows are pointing more outward than back.  Do the best you can and dont be too hard on yourself.

Another way of saying that, if you had eyes in your elbows, they would see your feet more so than the walls or scenery at your right and left. If yu find yourself having difficulty with form or being able to do more than one or two, start by doing as many as you can with good form,mso you will look from the side as a plank lowering and raising, no saggy lower back or arching back, straight… Then drop to your knees and continue. You will still be building strength and thats what matters! A few months of knee push ups and you graduate to plank style.
I do mine in groups of ten. Use five or twenty or thirty. Dont judge based on anyone but yourself!

There are a few different ways to do your push ups so that you can really fine tune the smaller muscle groups making for a more complete over all… You.

Diamond Hand diamond-push-up

Arms Wide – In this your arms are out beyond what you may consider to be “normal” or comfortable.  Practice to see what works best for you.

Arms Narrow – As you come up and down, your elbows will be touching the side of your rib cage.

Arms wide and narrow BUT – now you are on your knuckles – this can be done on a soft surface to begin with and gradually move to harder and harder surfaces. Why would you do this? To make the bones in your hands much harder. This is where you are beginning to get your body ready to hit things. Another reason why your elbows are facingnthe way they are. When you change the setting from horizontal to vertical, you realize that all along you have been practicing punching, punching with your elbows out is in effective, unless your rockin the haymaker!

On the wrist – this is to further the strength of the hand as a whole, and, again, it is a strike. You may have seen it in movies. Regardless, it is good for the health of the hand, wrist and forearm as it makes it much stronger! Start on a soft surface and move to a harder one accordingly.  GO EASY WITH THIS ONE, you dont want to damage yourself in the quest of becoming stronger!  Try to have the finger as close together as possible, not only on your individual hands, but the fingers of the hands should be close to the opposite hands, in the picture below, this would be as far apart as you want them to be.  The closer together, the more power being built.

wrist push ups

Rolling – this is a bit more complex, hence why it is further down the list. You start with a fist, go down and when you come up, you “pop” off the ground a wee bit and land on your wrist, down, up, pop, land on your palm and down up – thats 1. This too is a strike and an amazing strength builder.  I will place a video very soon, if you don’t get it, these instructions, don’t try it.  If you are just starting out, don’t try it.  Simple, this is a complex and powerful exercise, patience built the wall of China as will patience build you!

Shoulder rolls – For this one you will remain in the up position and you’ll be “rolling” your shoulders to the front and then to the back using whatever count your are comfortable with.  Again, video will be posted soon to help with understanding!

Thats it, for now, for the push ups.  Once these become boring, go for one arm and finger tips!

SIT UPS!

Sit ups are a super important part of our caped crusader and Secret Agents workout as they should be for you!

First things first. Get some kind of “soft” for under your sacral area. These are the bones that connect the spine to the pelvis, when doing sit-ups, they can become irritated and sore leading you to cheat on form and do less than you actually are able to do!

We want to do these sit-ups with proper form, feel free to mix it up, but ensure you do them all.  if you start to feel it in your lower back, you need to re focus and get the lower abs working! This is your core, the center for power i your body. Spend time on this as all other parts will be made stronger! The dantien is located here. In Chinese medicine, this is the storage area for your Chi. With internal martial arts [kung fu, tai chi, xing yi], many sports, you will be told that all movement originates here first.

Sit ups will not strengthen the dantien per sey, but will begin to bring your focus to the area and perhaps begin to get you to pay attention to it. Only focused meditation and specific training build the actual dantien as it is a space in between matter and energy. For now, we focus on the matter surrounding it!

Sit ups –

Flutter kicks – hands flat, palms on the floor, just underneath your butt, legs straight, head slightly raised looking at feet.  Now begin “swimming”, you can keep the kicks tight or get your feet far apart, do a bit of both until you feel like puking then move to next one.

Crunches – raise yourlegs into thenair and have them straight up and side by side.  Arms bent and fingers gently touching side of head.  Start crunching, do till woozy…

Side bends – lie on your side with your legs pressed tight together and slightly elevated off the ground, about six inches, feet pointing in the direction your body is facing.  Hands gently touching side of your head.  Start side bending towards your feet, try and do at least ten.  As with every exercise, you determine what is ok and what is not.  Push yourself dont hurt yourself.  If you cheat, you cheat yourself, no one else.

Bicycles forward and backward – lie on your back, your knees to your chest, hands gently touching the side of your head, start “cycling” your feet, like you’re riding a bike, as you do this, touch your opposite elbow and knee together.  Back and forth, back and forth, after you have done quite a few, this is an easy one, switch to “pedaling” in reverse.

Leg lifts – Either lie on your back or holding onto the chin up bar, raise your legs to a 90 degree angle and lower, repeat. Many times.

V ups – raise your legs together and the upper body, hands straight above your head, until your hands and feet meet, you should now be balancing on your booty.  Chances are you will be all over the place, but thats O.K., takes time=]

Hand Stands!

The third thing we will add to your repetoire is the hand stand. If you are already advanced and can go right into it, great! If like me you need a little help, or if you want to remain in control and not be wildly kicking around, you can use the wall.

You want to stay in control as this is what will build your core strength and reduce the chance for injury.  Injuries sustained with handstands can be serious as they will usually effect the rotator cuff and can lead to all sorts of troubles such as impinged nerves, frozen shoulder etc.  Slowy and Steady will make you strong.  Do not male workouts life or death situations, use your workouts to be strong for when life or death situations arise.   Use a wall unless you are very strong already in this particular field, i.e. You could do handstand push ups no problem.

When using the wall, either face the wall, bend at waist putting finger tips very near the wall to a few hands space away from the wall. Secure your body and kick either the right or thenleft leg up immediately followed by thenother leg, control it as much as possible and you will feel your heels either crash or gently land on the wall.
Now immediately ensure your shoulders are locked in with your arms and upper back. Stomach is flexed and core muscles are activated. Head can be relaxed, look at the floor or the wall on the other side of the room.

From here, the possibilities widen. You can begin “push ups”, you can focus on keeping your legs off the wall while remaining in postion so you can eventually do it without a wall, you can have your fingers close enough to the wall that you can flatten your entire body, even the back of your head to the wall, or you could be a couple hand spaces out and slowly bring your legs towards your trunk, bending at the knees and then lengthening your legs skyward again.  You can also do nothing and just focus on the feel, and you can also spread your legs as though you are doing a split.

If you arent comfortable kicking over your head, the try facing away from the wall, about an arms length, and slowly walk your self up the wall and into position. At first this will take a lot of strength and thereby reduce your upside down time, but thats O.K., its all about becoming stronger!

If you walk up the wall, you can then walk yourself to the right and left along the wall!

At all times keep your posture, your focus, your overall being tight and aware. Dont wait until the last moment to come down, come down easy…KEEP YOUR FOCUS, its very important that you are really present when doing this.  All exercises will “give” you more if you are present, we know that, this is one of those exercises that can give you some fairly serious injury if you are not super focused.  From neck pain, rotator cuff injury, lots of problems can arise from improper handstands.  As it is a super work out and strengthening aid, it can just as easily set your program back months if you are not focused.

The last of our ninja workout is the age old PULL UPS!

Palms facing you and palms facing away.  Wide grip, narrow grip.  NINJA!
If you have trouble doing more than a very few, have a chair beside your bar, or whatever structure you are using to pull yourself up to and instead do resistance lowers. This is where you will use the chair to get in your position and then hold it as long as you can, struggling in a controlled way until you fully extend your arms, then get on the chair and do it again, repeat until your arms are full of jelly.

Start small and slow.  Eat as healthy as you can afford, a cable TV bill should never come out of your organic veggie fund.

Aloha!

21. Know preventative maintenance for your body! Beginners Guide to Bicycle Touring… in CinemaScope!

kinetic-chain-of-joints-from-ground-up

The longer you stay on your bike, the greater the chance you will begin to create an atmosphere for injury to yourself due to the extremely repetitive nature of bicycling and the relative low impact.  Many people view low or no impact as the way to go and this is one of the reasons that they choose bicycling in the first place, it may very well be why you have chosen to go on your epic bike tour.

Lets look at the body quickly and explain some basic things to make sure you do not weaken yourself in the process of becoming stronger.

The body is a highly complex machine.  Every part of your body is based upon the components around it through a series called the kinetic chain.  To give a basic overview of the chain, its effects on the body, AND, a great place for you to start healing yourself, take a look down at your feet.  Notice the bones, the muscles, all of which are connected by tendons and ligaments.  Every time you step, a burst of force travels in an upward direction through your foot, shin, knee, hip, spine, all the way to your skull.  Now, depending upon how you walk, toes splayed out, slightly in, more on one side than the other, heel strike first, fore foot first etc., this will have a huge impact on how the energy moves through the body.kinetic-chain-of-joints-from-ground-up

The foot is designed to hit the fore foot first, on the two balls with a light heel touch and then off to the next step.  This is easily understandable when you look at the foot.  The shock absorption is in the front, not the back, in fact, if you land on the heel to hard, you will break the bone!  Modern shoes and ways of thought have us heel striking first, this is incorrect according to how you are MADE.  This is what matters, and this is why there is a resurgence of minimalist footwear, I say resurgence as native tribes have been aware of this forever, we are just coming online now and some companies are making a fortune off it!

So, depending upon how you strike the ground, a force moves through the body, incorrect walking and you could have neck and shoulder pains all related to your feet!  Idea number 1.  Start focusing on your posture and even if you wear regular sneakers, begin walking as you were designed, forefoot, light heel tap and next step.  It may be difficult at first, but that is O.K., take your time, someday you will die, it is best to walk to your grave correctly as it has impact on all other aspects of your life.

It is this kinetic chain that is responsible for moving energy correctly through the body as long as you are aware and working on your posture and foot strike.  This energy as it moves has another effect, either strengthening or debilitating.

It causes the bones and sinew to react and in the process strengthen, or, if you are moving incorrectly, to weaken.  This is why impact during sport is beneficial, again, if you are moving as you were designed, either by God or evolution, it doesn’t matter, you have a body that works best in a certain way.

This shock to the system, causes strengthening. In the case of long distance cycling, or any long period of cycling per day, like pro  or aspiring pro cyclists, they aren’t on tour, but they spend as many hours as you on a bike, you lose this as cycling is so very low impact.  One problem cyclists MAY run into is bone density issues.

Another issue is that of working a very specific muscle group for extended periods of time.  Many of you are right or left handed.  Take a look at your arms, one may be visibly weaker than the other.  This may manifest in your riding in different ways, the tendons in the ankle, knees and hips, the muscles in various parts of the body will become much stronger than a muscle group directly beside them.  This is counter productive to health as it physically imbalances you.  You do not want this as a person physically or mentally and the two are connected!  Further, when you strengthen one area and the area directly beside it is weakened, this will lead to an over emphasis of problems.  If we look at the knee and ankle, you strengthen in such a way as to push the pedals in a certain motion literally hundreds if not thousands of times per day, you become very strong for that motion.  As a human, when you walk, your body will be subjected to many different motions, such as twisting and turning, pitches in elevation on one part of the foot and not the other, next thing you know, you have a knee or ankle sprain simply stepping onto an uneven sidewalk!

So what do we do?

Everyday, stretch and engage in some sort of physical exercise which will incorporate your body as a whole.

Using Diana and myself as examples, Diana loves to run and is a Yoga practitioner/teacher, I like running and my Kung Fu practice.  Through these, we address all potential trouble areas.  We get the impact we need and because we are focused on our posture and using our Vibram minimalist running shoes, we are using our feet correctly thereby sending positive shock through out our bodies.  With the Yoga and Kung Fu, we take care of muscle strengthening and stretching.  Added to the cycling, we have become quite fit!

Of course we suggest either Yoga or Martial arts as they are tested by CENTURIES of practice and have changed millions of lives.  Whatever you choose as long as it strengthens your muscles wholly and stretches them, and you have something that will help maintain bone density, which coincidentally yoga does as stretching pulls muscles which in turn puts a stress on ligaments and tendons, which in turn put a stress on the…. BONES!  Positive stress equals strength, improper stress will bring about slowly decay and weakness, this is applicable to all aspects of your life and nature around you.  True story.

Whatever you do, do it regularly, we feel three times a week is a minimum, and do it happily, its your life, you are what you eat and your body is how you get around and experience, respect it and show it love!  You will only get this one and it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, no one else’s!  Go be Ninja!

North American Tang Shou Tao – NATSTA

Natsta LC08

if you want to become strong in the body, mind and spirit, if you want to learn how to heal yourself and others…  That’s all I have to say, this is a family of epic proportion and I am honored to have trained for the brief time that I did.  This organization is beyond top-notch.