Finding Willpower as Vegan

            We want what we can’t have. The saying that is usually reserved to describe the trials of love or yearning for objects and aspirations out of reach, but in this case, I’m referring to food of course. A familiar inner voice appears in your head convincing you to give into temptation as you fixate a longing gaze and a watering mouth on a certain food item you know you should refrain from, that you try desperately to stifle and silence. It seems like a cruel joke how the appeal and desire emerges ever more strongly, accompanied with a heightened sense of attention and awareness, when restraining one-self. Lately, fueled by frustration from struggling with non-vegan food cravings, the inner workings of self-control and the implications of having a lack of personal discipline have been heavy on my mind, striking my curiosity. It’s the ultimate test of willpower at play that all of us grapple with in various aspects of our lives on a daily basis.

            What I learned is willpower has, in fact, recently been discovered to be more than a mere metaphor. Scientists describe willpower as being a form of energy in the brain, similar to a muscle. Willpower can be strengthened with practice and use, however, it also progressively gets fatigued and decreases with use throughout the day. Whether it’s resisting food, decision-making, or completing a dreaded task, exercising self-control in different areas of your life ends up drawing from and draining the same source of mental energy. The key is in conserving your willpower for matters of importance, since you only have a finite amount of it each day. Simply putting food you’re resisting near to you, in your sight, aides in depleting your willpower. Whereas putting it across the room from you or not having it in your presence at all, makes restraint far easier because you are not actively resisting the temptation. A study even concluded that workers in an office ate a significant more amount of candy when it was placed on a desk inside a clear, glass bowl versus a non-transparent bowl. Proving the out-of-sight-out-of-mind technique to be an effective strategy.

            These findings came as no surprise to me, whose battle to follow a vegan diet while still in New Hampshire, came to be an impossible feat for me. Surrounded by non-vegan food not only at home and gatherings with friends, but also at the restaurant where I worked, I was constantly being challenged. Even after watching those horrid videos of farm animals being cruelly abused and slaughtered, I was hopelessly only able to uphold a vegan diet for a meager day or so, until I gave in and let all of my old habits and diet come rearing back in. Utterly discouraged, I concluded my goal to go vegan could not realistically be reached until my impending move to Hawaii. Where I’d be removed from my routines, the lure of my refrigerator, my mother’s cooking, the quantities of rich food available at the restaurant I worked for, and all the other surrounding influences and temptations that seemingly held me hostage. I’d be able to start from square one moving to Hawaii with the most extreme and ideal out-of-sight-out-of-mind set up available to me.

            I then had about a four month long postponement period before Hawaii and a vegan lifestyle that awaited me. I must admit, for a large portion of those four months, I was gravitating towards meat and dairy with a lust and desire like it was my last day to live. The guilt and shame associated with consuming meat and dairy was palpable, but in my head, what consistently prevailed was an overwhelming feeling of limited time. The dominating argument that I won’t be able to have this food/drink item once I follow veganism, so I need to enjoy it while I still can. It’s a mindset difficult to describe, which strikes a certain feeling of scarcity, finality, and fear producing a powerful desire that makes you want to cling to your old diet even more tightly. For the duration of the postponement of my transition to veganism, before my move, I focused on the traditional aspects and familiarities of meat and dairy, which I had consumed all my life. The notion that it is “normal” to eat these things, instead of reminding myself of the animal it originated from and pushing the new information and the unpleasant things I had watched to the back of my mind. Before my move, I only managed to cut down on my meat consumption slightly, while my dairy intake, I believe, increased to make up for my self-imposed meat limitations. I was feeling weak and defeated for my embarrassing, pathetic display of self-control and seemingly nonexistent willpower.

            Exhausting your willpower is a process researchers call “ego depletion”, in which everything, positive and negative, feels more intensely to you because your brain has lost some ability to regulate emotions. Thus, you respond more strongly to everything while cravings, frustrations, and desires build. In the short term, willpower is a limited resource where your mounting restraint and discipline overtax valuable space in your brain, making it that much more difficult to resist other temptation later on in your day. Fortunately, not all hope is lost for the ones, like myself, to put the “power” back into our “willpower”. Improvements can be made by frequent and consistent exercises in self-control. Observant religious people are a good example of this, often scoring higher in self-discipline than others, perhaps with personal religious practices involving willpower. One study found that students who were asked to pay attention to their posture for a week, performed better on other willpower tasks (not pertaining to posture) than students who had not been actively exercising control all week.

            Therefore, all these areas in your life that require some form of mental effort, will help build up and strengthen that mental muscle of self-control within you. The more you practice willpower and put it to the test, the more successful you will be in resisting temptation in the future.

            Now if you’ll excuse me, I will be beginning my day with the ultimate willpower exercise of passing the pastry counter, full of non-vegan delicacies at my regular coffee shop, with a new motivation that will hopefully extinguish my lingering urges to jump across the counter and devour each and every one of those buttery pastries. Best of luck in your willpower pursuits!

image

Books to help with the Spiritual side of things…

Spiritual Journey

white-tigerThe White Tiger by Aravind Adiga

This is a book I just finished, as this spans a couple of days, I finished it a few days ago.  Below are quotes from the book that hit me like a bucket of cold water to the face while in a deep sleep….

“THEY REMAIN SLAVES BECAUSE THEY CANT SEE WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THE WORLD.” 

This wasn’t capitalized in the book….. but I felt it needs to be blasted out.

“Free people don’t know the value of freedom, that’s the problem.”

Now as for what the book is actually about, I have no recollection at all, not in the slightest.  I only know that it was one of those books, that for me, would be considered profound.

O.K., I admit, I read another review to help, ah, jog my memory.  This book was ninja to be sure, of course dont take my word for it, It won the 40th ever Manbooker award and it was Mr. Adiga’s debut novel!

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

“I was looking for the key for years, but the door was always open” 

This is another RAD, super rad book which, thanks be, was gifted to me by a wonderful man from Germany, Lorenz W.  Thanks siddharthaLorenz!  It is about a boy who journeys to become a sage, that isn’t even right, he journeys far beyond what we understand, he journeys to the sublime and it is written in such a way that no matter where your reading skill level or level of spirituality, you will notice immediately 2 things.  The book is finished almost as soon as you began, and upon realizing it’s done, you understand so much of what you never even thought before.

I AmI Am by Howard Falco

I had the distinct pleasure of speaking with this gentleman on the phone and to this day I am unsure how we came into each others orbit, and yet, I guess I do know.  This book is fantastically written especially for those of us who view things as a logic journey vice the more guttural, at least this is my view.  he, Mr. Falco, somehow managed to write down the processes that most if not all of us go through to figure things out, the pitfalls, ego traps, the signs of coming out into better understanding, he’s got it all!

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This is o e of the first books that I found myself listening to again and again and again.  So, at least you now know I am speaking of an audiobook.  The book is read by a member of the Toltec community, or at least that’s what the download I got said, and I would believe it as the voice had such a wonderful effect on me.4 agreements

The book is fairly simple in that it takes what you already know and then puts it back together in a way that you would most likely have trouble doing on your own.  The finished result is magic pure and simple.

The essence of said magic can be summed up in the following from the book:

 

 

A Still Forest Pool by Ajahn Chah

FREE talks and learning materials HERE!

ajahn chahAjahn Cha is one of the members of a discipline of Buddhism which seems to be thought of as Forest Monks, and I am a bit out of my league here, so if you have definitive knowledge about this, please enlighten me as well.  I do not know of discipline is actually the correct term, but, it is as it is, monks who live in the forest.  Conversely, you can also click on the above link and be taken to a website devoted totally to him and learn, which I guess I could have done as well, but, I’ve wasted enough of your time with my confusion, so perhaps you can save yourself…=]

I have read many books by Buddhist monks and thoroughly enjoy them all, this was in a period of time in Hawaii where the only things I would read were Ian Flemming James Bond novels and books by Monks on how to be at peace with yourself and the world.

I guess I was subconsciously seeking balance….

 

 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Many of you by now have more than likely at least heard of this book and the author, who was taken hostage and tortured at alchemistalchemistone point, which is always a very heavy thing to have happen to oneself.

The story is of a young man who goes in search of that something, and at the risk of ruining one of the most masterfully crafted books I have read in my life, I will say no more.  Simply know this is an easy book to read, is thoroughly engrossing and is one of the very few page turners I have found in my life.

Fundamentals of my fast – How, Why, etc.

PARASITE CLEANSE TEA USED IN CONJUNCTION WITH FAST – HERE – like you should click on the word here…=]

The fundamentals of my fast are pretty simple and will save those of you not interested in details of my life.  This initial part is just to give you an overview of what I am doing and a basic understanding of why.  As the fast progresses, I will be adding pictures, my daily intakes and general experiences.  Please enjoy and drop me a line with any questions!  Aloha! For starters, when fasting, we have to look at the long term effect, in a fast you will be purposely denying your body nutrients and intake of energy in the form of food.  By doing this, your body will begin to cannibalize itself for the necessary “stuff”, to go about its daily business. This “digging deep”, into ones own personal body allows for release of many accumulated toxins as these are most easily found in our fats, just as with the animals you eat should your dietary flow take you in that direction, toxins are in fat. So by burning through this layer and many others, we release long held toxins, as you can imagine the results are usually beneficial – after a time. If you are detoxing, then you must realize that your body must now get rid of said toxic material, this will be through the skin, lungs [breath], and eliminatory orifices or the male and female respectively. As the toxins are removed, they will travel through the various organs to be separated and moved on various courses.  This will in turn give you a variety of symptoms or perhaps none at all. You may feel chills, dizzy, dis oriented, flu like, ill tempered, foul, angry, sad, etc. You will also at times feel great. Just know that this is normal and if you never allow yourself to go through it, the cleansing, at some point there will be problems, it is simply how the body works. After having taken myself down to the essence, I will then begin to rebuild.  This is a very exciting part as you essentially get to choose how you will re shape yourself.  Thankfully I have landed at an extremely organic and very well thought out/led farm by the former creator of Seeds of Change, Gabriel Howearth, he didn’t sell out, I heard the story. To be here when I emerge from my fast will be to take in some of the most nutrient dense foods available in the Baja peninsula and perhaps this region of Mexico. I will be as strong as I was, but now stronger as what I rebuild all the muscle and bone with will be high quality ingredients, this will be my new basis.  As I continue riding my bike and accumulate “layers” or “strata” or non organic and in many cases toxic material, the very same I seek to lose now by fasting, the effects will not be so detrimental as my new base layer will be ninja. Forty days is a heckuva time though, poco a poco, to the last. It is always necessary to plan the rebuild phase of any fast to be commensurate with what was churned up and discarded.  One must also be careful to not harbor cravings lest a binge happen and the whole process be thrown for a loop, simple consideration of ones actions will do, that and a modicum of responsibility. There are many fasts to choose from.  Master Cleanse, tea cleanses, mono food cleanses, parasite, liver, all kinds of cleanses. Do your research and plan accordingly.  For the first few days you will be feeling pretty sketchy, but hey, its to be expected, you are doing an epic detox right=]

13-2-13

The date is written in the traditional style of the rest of the world, day, month, year.

The only thing separating me from what I truly wish to be is me, that much I get…

How to stop myself from being myself is a whole different issue, I may not even be wording it right.

Today marks the first day of my fast.  My intention with this si to go for a full forty days as this seems to be the requisite number of days as put forth in many places as many people have used this number of days.

I had a grapefruit for breakfast, I chewed gingerly as my back right molar was still a bit sensitive from the cavaton, my cavity mas grande and drank a tea from Pau DÁrco, Nashishia, lemon grass, a little Tulsi – Indian Holy Basil, and some Nettle.

I restarted the fire from the night before, am writing, have tea, have the Natural Home and Garden magazine that contains my sketch of the garden and the list of all that is planted there.  I got through the alphabet and then switched to A1, A2, A3… and so on all the way to A34.  I honestly dfo not know if aI am any closer to the completion than when I started or by some chance if I have started in a way that will now require twice as much work as I must simply start again lest trying to understand the confusion I set down to paper as I wondered round the Labyrinth deciphering my own handwriting and that of three others, included in the mix is Gabriel who’s own handwriting, understandable and regrettably leaves a bit, for me, to be desired, that and his frequent deviations from what he said is his required way of denoting a tag…

I love it!

Howearth is his name, Mr. Gabriel Howearth, and howfitting for a man who knows so much that he could easily be considered a gentleman who has forgotten more than we shall ever know, sort of thing, and yet he, somehow manages to retain and recall such a vast trove of knowledge that it begs the question, “How?”.

Gabriel just recently informed that today is Ash Wednesday, to atone for the sin accrued in the time since Fat Tuesday.

The day of fasting.

How convenient and telling.

The fast is for a few reasons which I originally set out to record here, for my own clarification an aid in intention and vision setting, after all, I am on what would be described by some as a profound quest for vision.  I have not endeavored on a greater journey in my life, and I say this after quite a time of endeavoring on many different jounries, some, at the start, I had no idea how I was going to simply get from Point A to Point B.  And now I do not even truly know what to do about starting and yet I am in Day 1 right now.

Absolutely amazing…. I watched Deadman in parts… again.

Every night and every morn, some to misery are born

Every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight

Some are born to sweet delight

Some are born to endless night

Hokahey Willaim Blake, it suits you.

I have been thinking that I royally screwed up with Diana, that I lost something that is irreplaceable, ever.  I know that there are things like that, Love is one fo them, no matter what happens, I find I don’t give this enough thought when I am in its thralls and even less when I find that the flame is now a guttering spark.

Its only later when I realize, if I only wold have done this, that, and the other, and all would have been in acordanced to the vision I have for myself.

And then I think of all the times I did do this that and the other and yet, still, my vision was not in accordance with my life.

So I began to wonder, and then at times, it does work out when I seemingly am not trying and other times it will work out when I try my hardest.

And then there are those times when…

So here is my life, it’s fairly sprawled out before anyone who bothers to look, of which I know of a very few, assuredly in this world and day there must be a few more, I like it, my life.  I say this in retrospect, and of course with the afore mentioned filter of shoulda coulda woulda, the story of how it all woulda been bettah, and yet, I love it all the same.

I suppose this is as close as I can feel to being a parent without having had a child, loving my life for all it has been when I think of it, though I imagine there are parents who when they think of their children they are filled with regret anger, perhaps, shame for some, who knows, I know I have felt all those things about myself, and do still on a near continual basis.

Which is why I’m fasting.

I don’t recommend this for everyone or anyone, afterall, Im me, so I really don’t recommend as who am I?  I come off many tmes, I think, in other peoples estimation as a pushy character, I assure myself I am not, but then, isn’t it all relative and in the eye of the beholder.

Hmmm, maybe I am an asshat afterall=]

Well, I know that this will help me see many things, I will burn down to layers of being, I’m speaking literally and figuratively here, that have not been looked at since birth.  I will literally shed through a process of self imposed cannibalism of sort on my own body, I will burn in the ovens of my cells grasping for more shit to burn for energy, the Krebs cycle, more ATP, I will go on a cellular level to the very core of who I am physically.  I hope youre following me so far, this is just the science of the corpeal body, next we have mental and spiritual, all of which are going to be whapnoodled.

So, there I am burning on a physical level that which I had been, that which I consumed made me, now I burn it, literally albeit on a microscopic level, I burn that which I was and from the ashes, a Phoenix of my choosing will arise.

A 40 day fast is just the beginning, I don’t plan, on the physical sense to simply tear down my physical body without a very solid rebuild plan!  Look where I am, as a vegan I am in the Halcyon fields of Glory.  I have organic everything all day, in 40 of them.

So my physical rebuild will be a grapefruit on day 40, a couple on 41, 42 gets some water mix greens, aloe and limon and slowly but surely I will tunr on my digestive system.

Now, as my digestive system came to an essential shut down, all the chemical process and machinations which make us, us, it freed up many essential amino acids, it freed up a whole lot of energy in essence for some serious healing work, as I continue to drink water, the body will go into an ever increasing conservation mode and this process will slow but never end as mentioned earlier, something[s] will be found to burn for keeping me alive on cellular levels, un needed things, my dna will literally register this event and adapt, as will it register the subsequent influx of organic raw ingredients and do a massive rebuild, making, hopefully a more, hmmm, perfect, kinda works, me.

Fasting as it seems to me is about taking care of the one doing the juggling and not that which is being juggled.

Im by no means a fast fanatic, my longest being 6 and half to seven days, more like 6.  I may never fast again, who knows, but for now, this is the plan.

The point of the fast is to go very slow, this will serve as my first full scale halt and re-evaluation of my round the world ride.  My funds are quite low from what they were at starting, I have made progress and yet, not as much as I had reckoned on making, I have not felt that time was wasted anywhere, and yet, perhaps, it was not so wisely used either?

Now is the time to run the tale of tape, all the way back to adolescence, see what the grand design has come to be, see what is me.

Many things need to be re-arranged in order for me to be at my most, I guess that’s it, to be at my most.

It is very much my intention to cycle the planet, though I will admit that I have had some strong leanings towards making this a pedaling and sailing adventure.

It is after all my life first and foremost, whatever has been made real to the world via the website is a fraction of what is me.

I have intent, both near, mid and long term.  My near term goal is most always some vague notion of personal growth, long term is an orphanage where the children are taught everything and anything, from Kung fu and Ninjitsu to advanced Euclidean Geometry and trans rational thought in a parallel shift axis universe with fundamental expulsion creativity theory.

Mid term goal is to have an epic adventure around the world by bike and boat where I help wherever I find myself, ending with finding a spot to settle grow good organic food, surf warm waters all year, or most of the year and be surrounded by a small community of good people and god willing, a wife to help me run the orphanage.

Now I am learning what needs to be taught to change the world, but I guess I started that at birth=]

Yup=]

Day 1, ash Wednesday – three grapefruits, lots of water and tea.

Day 2 – again, lots of water, Pau Dárco tea, later Chamomile tea.  Did Qi Gong in the a.m, planted lots of seeds and practiced acupuncture on Gabriel.

Now its 3am and I cannot sleep even a little bit, heart broken, I thought it would go away after midnight of the 14th, but, still here, just bummed out, heartbroken on my own shortcomings really…  Jeez, and I still have 38 days to go…=]  And I just saw a mosquito fly in front of the aquarium glow of my computer screen, sigh…  Al Green time…

Day 3 – Energy is returning in a major way, when I am weeding and stand however I get to ride the wave of some extreme dizziness, maybe coke flashbacks or something…  Potted up 30 rare types of Aloe and did some Bamboo transplants, totally beat.  Planted the rest of the Labyrinth garden and am now looking forward to some nice chill nothing time=]

Lots of water and still teas, not that I am tired of water, it’s just that we go through drinking water so quick that I use the tap to make the teas and help keep the peace.

One of the teas I like is simple Neem with Himalayan Basil, you can feel it doing things inside.  Neem is a cure all plant and is widely used in India as a tea along with cinnamon.

Day 4 – My sleeplessness continues, I am so tired and sluggish and yet as soon as I lay down, my eyes pop open and I stare at the ceiling until just before the sun rises when I really start to get sleepy and then, the sun rises.

Day 5 – Tea of the day was Neem, Episote, Nashia, and Cassia [the seed pod looking thing], had an overall chill day, Katia blew up big time in the a.m., a lot of very heavy stuff going on, but hey, that’s life and I am finally, surprisingly in a place to control it!  Never woulda thought…  Anyway, it looks as though I can be of service here while I am service to myself, so why not, this is a very rare place, it needs help, perfect!

I made a lot of chopsticks out of rare bamboos today to give to the visitors as gifts.

I feel energy in my body a lot better, my acupuncture sessions with Gabriel are getting more intense as I seem to be able to feel more whats happening inside him.  I definitely feel the energy, just not the physical strength, getting skinnier as well, Im going to look like Gandhi soon=]

Day 6 – typing, looking forward to meeting the creators of Maca Magic, Im supposed to be moving a mature palm tree, gonna use the fasting card on that one, still not sleeping, I even did a sitting meditation for over an hour last night prior to bed to get myself in that super chill zone, hit the pillow and eyes sprung open, I don’t know what it is, further I don’t know where I get the energy to go through the day, maybe Im sleeping somehow in there, no clue.

Day 7 – had a Green Juice, made sure to run it through a coffee filter so it was pure, still kicked off my digestive system, so no more of that.  Had a bit of Maca tincture, holy cow, that hit me like a rocket, wait for that until I am eating again=]  Passed out while peeing, one minute I was watering a tree, the next I was bouncing off it and finding myself on the ground wondering what the F?

Later that night while adjusting the fire I was stung by a Scorpion, so I got to get some of the medicine from the magic creatures=]

Day 8 – 0 energy, like none.  Too tired to even walk, what does this mean, I am DETOXING, which is great.  I have decided to only do a 14 day fast so that I do not lose all my muscle tone.  I spoke with Mr. Howearth and he totally agrees, he said that should I do a 20 to 40 day fast, I would be looking at 3-4 months of recovery time, not into that at this point, I have some cycling to do and a world to save!

Day 9 and 10 will be written about when I have my notebook with me, they were pretty tame and included not a whole lot and tea.

All in all the fast was a success, the only part that wasn’t successful and that should be looked at by YOU is how I came off the fast.  You didn’t think you just start drinking mocha fraps and eating burgers did you, goodness, you need to take time!

The first day I had a grapefruit.

The second day a green drink and a grapefruit and then at night one too many bananas.

Now, on the second day I am already overboard.  You need to go slow and steady when you come back into this.  A few days of just green drinks made from organic greens, by the fourth day you are now adding in some miso soup WITHOUT SOY, soy is kind of bad news and we will discuss this later in some other article, for now trust me, if it isn’t a naturally fermented soy product, like organic soy sauce or Tempeh, you don’t really need it and are better off without it.

You want to give yourself a slow ramping up of at least as many days as you actually fasted, so if you fasted for 5 days, you would come back to regular food over five days.

I was eating hot sauce and bean by day 5, I fasted for 10, I am a bad boy indeed!

Seriously, the results and benefits from the fast come from the total package, both the fast and the slow return, you return to quickly as I did, you will be lucky to achieve good results.  Lucky for me I’m lucky=]  Next time I will adhere strictly to this regimen.

Fasting is one of the oldest known ways to cure disease both of the body and the mind, of course, with fasting, it must be done on purpose, NEVER IMPOSE THIS ON ANYONE.The fundamentals of my fast are pretty simple and will save those of you not interested in details of my life.  This initial part is just to give you an overview of what I am doing and a basic understanding of why.  As the fast progresses, I will be adding pictures, my daily intakes and general experiences.  Please enjoy and drop me a line with any questions!  Aloha! For starters, when fasting, we have to look at the long term effect, in a fast you will be purposely denying your body nutrients and intake of energy in the form of food.  By doing this, your body will begin to cannibalize itself for the necessary “stuff”, to go about its daily business. This “digging deep”, into ones own personal body allows for release of many accumulated toxins as these are most easily found in our fats, just as with the animals you eat should your dietary flow take you in that direction, toxins are in fat. So by burning through this layer and many others, we release long held toxins, as you can imagine the results are usually beneficial – after a time. If you are detoxing, then you must realize that your body must now get rid of said toxic material, this will be through the skin, lungs [breath], and eliminatory orifices or the male and female respectively. As the toxins are removed, they will travel through the various organs to be separated and moved on various courses.  This will in turn give you a variety of symptoms or perhaps none at all. You may feel chills, dizzy, dis oriented, flu like, ill tempered, foul, angry, sad, etc. You will also at times feel great. Just know that this is normal and if you never allow yourself to go through it, the cleansing, at some point there will be problems, it is simply how the body works. After having taken myself down to the essence, I will then begin to rebuild.  This is a very exciting part as you essentially get to choose how you will re shape yourself.  Thankfully I have landed at an extremely organic and very well thought out/led farm by the former creator of Seeds of Change, Gabriel Howearth, he didn’t sell out, I heard the story. To be here when I emerge from my fast will be to take in some of the most nutrient dense foods available in the Baja peninsula and perhaps this region of Mexico. I will be as strong as I was, but now stronger as what I rebuild all the muscle and bone with will be high quality ingredients, this will be my new basis.  As I continue riding my bike and accumulate “layers” or “strata” or non organic and in many cases toxic material, the very same I seek to lose now by fasting, the effects will not be so detrimental as my new base layer will be ninja. Forty days is a heckuva time though, poco a poco, to the last. It is always necessary to plan the rebuild phase of any fast to be commensurate with what was churned up and discarded.  One must also be careful to not harbor cravings lest a binge happen and the whole process be thrown for a loop, simple consideration of ones actions will do, that and a modicum of responsibility. There are many fasts to choose from.  Master Cleanse, tea cleanses, mono food cleanses, parasite, liver, all kinds of cleanses. Do your research and plan accordingly.  For the first few days you will be feeling pretty sketchy, but hey, its to be expected, you are doing an epic detox right=]

13-2-13

The date is written in the traditional style of the rest of the world, day, month, year.

The only thing separating me from what I truly wish to be is me, that much I get…

How to stop myself from being myself is a whole different issue, I may not even be wording it right.

Today marks the first day of my fast.  My intention with this si to go for a full forty days as this seems to be the requisite number of days as put forth in many places as many people have used this number of days.

I had a grapefruit for breakfast, I chewed gingerly as my back right molar was still a bit sensitive from the cavaton, my cavity mas grande and drank a tea from Pau DÁrco, Nashishia, lemon grass, a little Tulsi – Indian Holy Basil, and some Nettle.

 

I restarted the fire from the night before, am writing, have tea, have the Natural Home and Garden magazine that contains my sketch of the garden and the list of all that is planted there.  I got through the alphabet and then switched to A1, A2, A3… and so on all the way to A34.  I honestly dfo not know if aI am any closer to the completion than when I started or by some chance if I have started in a way that will now require twice as much work as I must simply start again lest trying to understand the confusion I set down to paper as I wondered round the Labyrinth deciphering my own handwriting and that of three others, included in the mix is Gabriel who’s own handwriting, understandable and regrettably leaves a bit, for me, to be desired, that and his frequent deviations from what he said is his required way of denoting a tag…

I love it!

Howearth is his name, Mr. Gabriel Howearth, and howfitting for a man who knows so much that he could easily be considered a gentleman who has forgotten more than we shall ever know, sort of thing, and yet he, somehow manages to retain and recall such a vast trove of knowledge that it begs the question, “How?”.

Gabriel just recently informed that today is Ash Wednesday, to atone for the sin accrued in the time since Fat Tuesday.

The day of fasting.

How convenient and telling.

The fast is for a few reasons which I originally set out to record here, for my own clarification an aid in intention and vision setting, after all, I am on what would be described by some as a profound quest for vision.  I have not endeavored on a greater journey in my life, and I say this after quite a time of endeavoring on many different jounries, some, at the start, I had no idea how I was going to simply get from Point A to Point B.  And now I do not even truly know what to do about starting and yet I am in Day 1 right now.

Absolutely amazing…. I watched Deadman in parts… again.

Every night and every morn, some to misery are born

Every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight

Some are born to sweet delight

Some are born to endless night

Hokahey Willaim Blake, it suits you.

I have been thinking that I royally screwed up with Diana, that I lost something that is irreplaceable, ever.  I know that there are things like that, Love is one fo them, no matter what happens, I find I don’t give this enough thought when I am in its thralls and even less when I find that the flame is now a guttering spark.

Its only later when I realize, if I only wold have done this, that, and the other, and all would have been in acordanced to the vision I have for myself.

And then I think of all the times I did do this that and the other and yet, still, my vision was not in accordance with my life.

So I began to wonder, and then at times, it does work out when I seemingly am not trying and other times it will work out when I try my hardest.

And then there are those times when…

So here is my life, it’s fairly sprawled out before anyone who bothers to look, of which I know of a very few, assuredly in this world and day there must be a few more, I like it, my life.  I say this in retrospect, and of course with the afore mentioned filter of shoulda coulda woulda, the story of how it all woulda been bettah, and yet, I love it all the same.

I suppose this is as close as I can feel to being a parent without having had a child, loving my life for all it has been when I think of it, though I imagine there are parents who when they think of their children they are filled with regret anger, perhaps, shame for some, who knows, I know I have felt all those things about myself, and do still on a near continual basis.

Which is why I’m fasting.

I don’t recommend this for everyone or anyone, afterall, Im me, so I really don’t recommend as who am I?  I come off many tmes, I think, in other peoples estimation as a pushy character, I assure myself I am not, but then, isn’t it all relative and in the eye of the beholder.

Hmmm, maybe I am an asshat afterall=]

Well, I know that this will help me see many things, I will burn down to layers of being, I’m speaking literally and figuratively here, that have not been looked at since birth.  I will literally shed through a process of self imposed cannibalism of sort on my own body, I will burn in the ovens of my cells grasping for more shit to burn for energy, the Krebs cycle, more ATP, I will go on a cellular level to the very core of who I am physically.  I hope youre following me so far, this is just the science of the corpeal body, next we have mental and spiritual, all of which are going to be whapnoodled.

 

So, there I am burning on a physical level that which I had been, that which I consumed made me, now I burn it, literally albeit on a microscopic level, I burn that which I was and from the ashes, a Phoenix of my choosing will arise.

A 40 day fast is just the beginning, I don’t plan, on the physical sense to simply tear down my physical body without a very solid rebuild plan!  Look where I am, as a vegan I am in the Halcyon fields of Glory.  I have organic everything all day, in 40 of them.

So my physical rebuild will be a grapefruit on day 40, a couple on 41, 42 gets some water mix greens, aloe and limon and slowly but surely I will tunr on my digestive system.

Now, as my digestive system came to an essential shut down, all the chemical process and machinations which make us, us, it freed up many essential amino acids, it freed up a whole lot of energy in essence for some serious healing work, as I continue to drink water, the body will go into an ever increasing conservation mode and this process will slow but never end as mentioned earlier, something[s] will be found to burn for keeping me alive on cellular levels, un needed things, my dna will literally register this event and adapt, as will it register the subsequent influx of organic raw ingredients and do a massive rebuild, making, hopefully a more, hmmm, perfect, kinda works, me.

Fasting as it seems to me is about taking care of the one doing the juggling and not that which is being juggled.

Im by no means a fast fanatic, my longest being 6 and half to seven days, more like 6.  I may never fast again, who knows, but for now, this is the plan.

The point of the fast is to go very slow, this will serve as my first full scale halt and re-evaluation of my round the world ride.  My funds are quite low from what they were at starting, I have made progress and yet, not as much as I had reckoned on making, I have not felt that time was wasted anywhere, and yet, perhaps, it was not so wisely used either?

Now is the time to run the tale of tape, all the way back to adolescence, see what the grand design has come to be, see what is me.

Many things need to be re-arranged in order for me to be at my most, I guess that’s it, to be at my most.

It is very much my intention to cycle the planet, though I will admit that I have had some strong leanings towards making this a pedaling and sailing adventure.

It is after all my life first and foremost, whatever has been made real to the world via the website is a fraction of what is me.

I have intent, both near, mid and long term.  My near term goal is most always some vague notion of personal growth, long term is an orphanage where the children are taught everything and anything, from Kung fu and Ninjitsu to advanced Euclidean Geometry and trans rational thought in a parallel shift axis universe with fundamental expulsion creativity theory.

Mid term goal is to have an epic adventure around the world by bike and boat where I help wherever I find myself, ending with finding a spot to settle grow good organic food, surf warm waters all year, or most of the year and be surrounded by a small community of good people and god willing, a wife to help me run the orphanage.

Now I am learning what needs to be taught to change the world, but I guess I started that at birth=]

Yup=]

Day 1, ash Wednesday – three grapefruits, lots of water and tea.

Day 2 – again, lots of water, Pau Dárco tea, later Chamomile tea.  Did Qi Gong in the a.m, planted lots of seeds and practiced acupuncture on Gabriel.

Now its 3am and I cannot sleep even a little bit, heart broken, I thought it would go away after midnight of the 14th, but, still here, just bummed out, heartbroken on my own shortcomings really…  Jeez, and I still have 38 days to go…=]  And I just saw a mosquito fly in front of the aquarium glow of my computer screen, sigh…  Al Green time…

Day 3 – Energy is returning in a major way, when I am weeding and stand however I get to ride the wave of some extreme dizziness, maybe coke flashbacks or something…  Potted up 30 rare types of Aloe and did some Bamboo transplants, totally beat.  Planted the rest of the Labyrinth garden and am now looking forward to some nice chill nothing time=]

Lots of water and still teas, not that I am tired of water, it’s just that we go through drinking water so quick that I use the tap to make the teas and help keep the peace.

One of the teas I like is simple Neem with Himalayan Basil, you can feel it doing things inside.  Neem is a cure all plant and is widely used in India as a tea along with cinnamon.

Day 4 – My sleeplessness continues, I am so tired and sluggish and yet as soon as I lay down, my eyes pop open and I stare at the ceiling until just before the sun rises when I really start to get sleepy and then, the sun rises.

Day 5 – Tea of the day was Neem, Episote, Nashia, and Cassia [the seed pod looking thing], had an overall chill day, Katia blew up big time in the a.m., a lot of very heavy stuff going on, but hey, that’s life and I am finally, surprisingly in a place to control it!  Never woulda thought…  Anyway, it looks as though I can be of service here while I am service to myself, so why not, this is a very rare place, it needs help, perfect!

I made a lot of chopsticks out of rare bamboos today to give to the visitors as gifts.

I feel energy in my body a lot better, my acupuncture sessions with Gabriel are getting more intense as I seem to be able to feel more whats happening inside him.  I definitely feel the energy, just not the physical strength, getting skinnier as well, Im going to look like Gandhi soon=]

Day 6 – typing, looking forward to meeting the creators of Maca Magic, Im supposed to be moving a mature palm tree, gonna use the fasting card on that one, still not sleeping, I even did a sitting meditation for over an hour last night prior to bed to get myself in that super chill zone, hit the pillow and eyes sprung open, I don’t know what it is, further I don’t know where I get the energy to go through the day, maybe Im sleeping somehow in there, no clue.

Day 7 – had a Green Juice, made sure to run it through a coffee filter so it was pure, still kicked off my digestive system, so no more of that.  Had a bit of Maca tincture, holy cow, that hit me like a rocket, wait for that until I am eating again=]  Pased out while peeing, one minute I was watering a tree, the next I was bouncing off it and finding myself on the ground wondering what the F?

Later that night while adjusting the fire I was stung by a Scorpion, so I got to get some of the medicine from the magic creatures=]

Day 8 – 0 energy, like none.  Too tired to even walk, what does this mean, I am DETOXING, which is great.  I have decided to only do a 14 day fast so that I do not lose all my muscle tone.  I spoke with Mr. Howearth and he totally agrees, he said that should I do a 20 to 40 day fast, I would be looking at 3-4 months of recovery time, not into that at this point, I have some cycling to do and a world to save!

 

 

ADD, ADHD…maybe your child just needs love and some nature, hear what a pioneer in psychiatry thinks!

Thus far on my ride, I have had many stories about many things. None make me so sad as those in which little children are placed on medication simply because they are very active. It begs the question, when exactly are we supposed to be active, and if not as a little child, when?
That you as a parent feel over burdened and unable to cope with your child, who, as any animal in the animal kingdom, will continually seek attention from its parent[s]. Should this attention seeking, others will call it love, but they are silly, should this attention seeking and almost GENETIC need to be guided by those who act as though they are raising them give rise to being doped on opiate like drugs, we must wonder where our society has turned to for its wisdom.
IN light of this, I now turn to Dr. Professor Szasz, also co-founder of the CCHR.

Thus far on my ride, I have had many stories about many things. None make me so sad as those in which little children are placed on medication simply because they are very active. It begs the question, when exactly are we supposed to be active, and if not as a little child, when?
That you as a parent feel over burdened and unable to cope with your child, who, as any animal in the animal kingdom, will continually seek attention from its parent[s]. Should this attention seeking, others will call it love, but they are silly, should this attention seeking and almost GENETIC need to be guided by those who act as though they are raising them give rise to being doped on opiate like drugs, we must wonder where our society has turned to for its wisdom.
IN light of this, I now turn to Dr. Professor Szasz, also co-founder of the CCHR.

Ayurveda on a daily dose… Rise and shine!!

With a background in yoga it has always made sense to me following Ayurveda as a great health guidance. Specially in times like today when we have so much available information, sometimes is hard to know what to do, how to best take care of our health. My advice is: do your research! Read, learn, investigate, ask, but most than all, experiment. Discover what your body needs and wants, how it works. Your body is different than mine, different than any other, so it has very individual and personal needs, only YOU can know what YOU need to be healthy…

That being said, Ayurveda works for me precisely because it relies on understanding each entity as unique, each living creature as one of a kind and in constant transformation. So not only you are different from anyone else, you are also different today, this morning, than you were yesterday or will be by this evening. Then it becomes obvious, you need to pay attention, to be here right now and live this moment. For taking care of your health, you must pay attention to how you are feeling moment by moment and act accordingly. Then, Ayurveda relies on habits, on the daily life; what a better way to prevent instead of fixing, even more, to make sure we’re allowing our body to express itself fully, letting our life energy flow freely.

Here’s an easy basic morning routine that will help balance your body and promote self awareness…

Wake up early, before sunrise!

From 2 am to 6 am it’s vata time in terms of energy in the atmosphere. Everything around and inside us begin to wake, to move and it’s a good idea filling yourself with this refreshing energy. Go out, breathe the morning air, fill up your lungs, your eyes with the peaceful dawn.

Drink 2 to 4 cups of luke warm water with a little bit of lime or lemon.
This will not only hydrate your body but also stimulate your internal organs, flush your kidneys and promote cleansing of the bowels. Lime juice is highly alkaline and filled with vitamins and minerals too.

Splash your face with fresh water to rehydrate the skin, remove accumulated heat from the eyes and stimulate your nervous system. Move your eyes around, from side to side, up and down, gentle circles and so forth.

Brush your teeth with natural toothpaste, avoid chemicals and harsh ingredients and scrape your tongue to remove toxins and stimulate your digestive tract and taste buds. The tongue is a good indicator of your whole digestive tract, pay attention to the appearance your tongue, any accumulations on the surface, any weird colors or shapes. You can find tongue scrapers in most health stores or you can use a spoon, scrape about ten times from back to front until you have removed any thick yucky stuff. Then rinse your mouth with warm olive or sesame oil, swish the oil around for two, three minutes and spit, don’t swallow! With your index finger gently massage your gums to stimulate and lubricate the tissues.

Now massage your ears and keep on massaging the rest of your face. You can do a dry massage but if you have the time is a good idea using a little oil that will nourish your skin and lubricate the tissues to a cellular level. For the face light oils like almond, sunflower or camelia are great. Then move on to the scalp, coconut oil is great for the hair. In Ayurveda there is an oil blend called Brahmi oil that is wonderful for the head and hair and that helps to clear the mind, relax the senses and induce meditation. Then massage the rest of your body. Sesame, coconut, olive and sunflower oils and all very good options. Stay away from mineral oil and artificial fragrances, I like to get my oils on the food section of the supermarket, feed your skin with natural food=]

Finish with a bath or shower and a fresh, whole, healthy breakfast. Remember breakfast is the most important meal of the day so don’t skip it! However keep it light and of easy digestion; a smoothie is always a great idea, a green juice too or if you want something more consistent how about some muesli or granola with almond milk….