Finding the Yes Molecule…

WOW, that’s where to begin with that.  What, what am I even talking about….?

Songza is giving me Bliss rom Enigma Dubz of the Timelapse album – dope relaxing beats…..  The Amtrak is filling up nicely, pretty girls getting away from lecherous men at the last moment, kids looking confused and darkness making everything nice, neat and quiet once again.  I got in to Penn station in New York almost two weeks ago now to visit an old friend of mine, Koh N.

i met him A LONG TIME AGO…

IN A GALAXY FAR FAR, yeah, it was Yokosuka, Japan.  I was in the Navy, he was in college.  He and his friends, affectionately named the Ofuna Rape Shack Crew – long story on that name, not what you think, ahem….  They saved my ass from the navy essentially.  I’m not going to delve into it except to say that I have life long friends from the navy and only the ones I met while not serving are still really H E R E.

We hang and it is great, meeting rad people, drunken moments, New York City, dinners, lunches, INSANE VEGAN FOOD, kittens, doggies, traditional Japanese dinners where I did NOT make a fool of myself thank you very kindly!

and then, a blast from the past, Eric the Pool Guy, never trust someone who turns their name into a thing, I know that there is a better way to explain this thought, I’m sure you understand, if not, well, in modo.

I hung out with crazy Eric at his place in Stamford and the next day he invited me to do some mountain biking and general good timely things in New Hampshire.

first day was epic ALTHOUGH, there were the first trickles of some ugly writing on the wall.  You see, he has himself in one of those relationships where the guy, and this happens in the reverse, but I am only talking to this particular instance, where the guy begins to put his ENTIRE life on hold to make a woman happy.  Many of y may know this set up of co dependent loveliness, I myself had a great time with it in my growth….

NOW, I found myself being the guy “causing all our problems”, oh shit fuck hell fire….  So, on one hand, Im meeting rad people, Doctors with private docks, wine, great brew from the MOAT, biking the Mineral Spring, et fuckin cetera.

This morning dude is like, so, uh, yeah, you’re gonna have to check in with the bus and just go.  This is following on the heels of his last chat with me where he tried to spell out and paint for the picture where I am to blame blame for the drama with this guys girl and himself.  At one point he was so acerbic in his verbal fusillade, I.e., his shit talking had hit such a fever pitch, that I found myself thankful that we were in a public fare a forcing me to really be a bigger man in the face of absolute, how shall I phrase so you get the gist…. Ah, here we’ll try, I was forced to remain calm in the face of a withering diatribe delivered with the panache of an abject moron who obviously lost the full access of said faculty of reason and common sense, though, choosing a public place to deliver the shit storm did show incredible foresight, so much so that given the absolute loss or ability to find any other sort of hope springing eternal leads me to believe it was a simple stroke of luck… For both of us, he was able to walk away, I was able to get deeper in my Dalai Lama  motif of peace, love, reverence, understanding and all the other happy drek one must face when not simply dropping gauntlets and throwing down.

no complaints really, always a bummer to lose a bro to ridiculous drama, but then, best to kow where people are and though it is stooping to my ego, it is nice to think about the fact am not that guy….  Once we parted ways and returned  my KONA mountain bike from REDLINE Bikes, I went and convinced the bartender to hook me up to ease the pain, this brought out my story to Wonder Woman and her mom as they had just posted at the bar and were politely overwhelmed by my tale of adventure and woe, so Wonder Woman gave me a hug and decided to start a hot guy blog and I am number one fella.  Alls well that ends well, always a silver lining, home of the instant lemonade stand where all of life’s lemons are sweetened and returned for your consumption.

wonder Woman is an amazingly hot lady from Texas who dresses up in costume, one that she had to have approved by do Comics, and then she goes to schools and convinces kids to not grow up so douchy and lame, like we did.  Yokow ow, always with the OMG, we got global warming, get me a steak, fuck my neighbor, I need a raise, watch TV kid I got no time for you….. Etc etc, infinitum.

i just saw the title to this, “Finding The Yes Molecule”  so here’s the deal with that, I call my girl the Yes Molecule as when I a, with her, not only is everything fun and a rosier shade of rose, life just feels right.  I swear I do my. Wry best to not be dependent, co-dependent, what have you.  I just truly want her company more often than not, like 80 percent of the day would be sweet for me, daily, till I die.

i won’t be seeing her, except for the odd visit for the next year.  This is something I swore vehemently that I would never do again, I.e. a long distance relationship.  And yet, here I am happy to be in one.  Yes, I travel A LOT.  I know there are many fish in the sea and to keep my eyes and heart open.  I also know that there are things that are far from my being able to describe them, most of all love.  I always think I have a readily available definition, and then, BAM, a change comes into what I would call love, and now that change is here again.

i hope everyone finds their yes molecule and when you do find it, trust me that it IS RARE.  I have dated much in my years on this little pale blue disc.  I’m am more stoked than ever to be so blissfully heart broken, being scared, which is still odd to me, the whole abandonment thing, and yet, there it is, big as day and larger than life, and yet, Im still here, me !r. Insta-bail, just waiting to see my lady again…

More on this later maybe, love and what not….