Oh my! and just like that my birthday is coming again. It feels like it was only a few months ago when we were celebrating with my parents and Chris parents; at the same time so much has happened, it already feels like several lives ago.
Time is relative.
“Do every day one thing that scares you”… one more of those Facebook pictures that inspires you for five seconds until you get distracted by something else, another post, another like. Except this one stuck on me. I keep myself in check when I read quotes or frases: if it resonates within me I take it as a mission to apply it in my life. And so I get creative aiming for “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” and even if sometimes it gets crazy, I “Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” and so forth… but when I searched for something that scared me, didn’t find anything. Oh shit, I thought. There must be so many things that scare me but I am in some sort of messed up trip that I’m blocking them so strongly I can’t even see it. It took me several days to start unfolding my confused mind to find out I was, actually, having a panic attack, an identity crisis. I was in the middle of a nervous melt down and I am scared shit less.
Within a year I had fallen in love with this crazy guy that keeps me in my toes and who’s favorite activity is finding new buttons to push.
Only one time I had lived with someone before. It lasted one week. It broke my heart…
So now years later, from literally one week to the next I find myself living with this dude that I just met. We haven’t spent one night apart ever since… that alone is enough to scare me. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am one of those chicks with commitment issues. You can ask any of my ex boyfriends… better ask my parents, they might give a more accurate (but not necessarily nicer) perspective. And not only that, but this guy is as intense as I am so it’s been quite a ride of its own.
On top of that there is this little detail of TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD IN A BICYCLE…
That wasn’t such a surprise actually. It felt like something I was calling for, asking to the Universe and it really felt like the perfect piece of the puzzle in my life at the moment. Still it has been challenging, wow, what an understatement.
Closing my yoga studio, learning to ride a bike. This one I must say, unless you are a runner you might not understand why or how challenging it is. I love it!!! BUT it’s challenging to have my feet separated from the earth… some deep karmic thing for sure, but I have a thing with running. Well…
I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually do something that scares me every single day, but I will be facing one fear at a time.
And it has come to my realization: I am scared to write on this blog.
Sounds silly. But fears are silly by nature, until you reach deep and find the source.
It’s easier to write recipes and I have been hiding behind my cookies.
My parents read this blog. So does my brother. And Chris friends… and ex girlfriends. And people I don’t know and potential sponsors.
And I find something scary in each of those readers.
I am shy, need to tell you that too. I am insecure and most of the time my head is all over the place.
My communication skills are not the best, I can be incredibly quiet and all of the sudden open my mouth and let it all out just like that.
In my personal life I have learned to embrace that. I am a very private person and I can count with my fingers the people close to me.
I like it like that. Because each of them know me. And they know I am not to be understood. And they know my heart is in the right place and my intentions are always the best. That I can say without fear because I work hard in it. Really hard.
Writing… oh boy!
Just the language I choose to write in causes conflict. Why do I write in english if I’m Mexican, why don’t I think about our latin readers and what statement am I making…
Geeez!! Well, I write in english because for the last 12 years I’ve been living half of the time in México, half of the time around the world and therefore not all of the important people in my life can read spanish and they too, read this blog… I think 🙂
And my spanish speaking people, speak english too 😛
… also, because I’ll write in what ever language I want.
Yes, I’m sassy like that too.
So here it goes.
This will be my next thing to do that scares me.
I’ll commit to write on this blog. To actually write on this blog.
God help us all.