I feel fear. I get scared. Sometimes for the most ridiculous things, other times greater fears come that challenge me in such interesting ways.
I am scared I will get a strange disease and experience pain. I am scared I will get my heartbroken again (and again, and again, and again), I’m scared I will loose the will to love openly if it gets broken enough times. I fear I will wake up one day, 45 years old and regret some of my decisions. I fear for the problems my family might face and my ability or lack off for being helpful. I fear my sister not knowing how much I love her, or my dad not accepting I know how much he loves me. I fear for my nephew and nieces to be kidnapped, hurt, beaten at school. I fear for them not feeling love or finding a horrible planet to live in after we fucked it up entirely. I fear for my mom spending most of her life not knowing how much I love her and admire her. I fear for my brother disconnecting with his sensitivity to survive in the type of world he lives in. I get scared worrying about Chris finding me boring all of the sudden, about our safety biking across Mexico, about dealing with the challenges that living “on the road” might bring to our relationship. I worry about my commitment to this project or anything in life for that matter to be enough for paying the price of it and not regret it later.
However. I create my own reality second by second. Moment by moment I shape the world I live in by deciding what to bring on to the cosmic table. And maybe I can not make even a tiny difference in the world, but I can shape entirely my energetic space… and being so many humans in the world, the whole big world is completely covered by our energy. So I work on vibrating in the energy of a world where nature is in such balance there is true health, there is the complete experience of love so we are able to see clearly, hearts can not ever be broken. A world where life is experienced so respect for life is immediate.
And in more practical aspects and to answer some people’s questions about the bike ride… yes, I am scared. That is an indication, between so many others, that I am doing the right thing. As Kumar, my dear, dear friend/teacher told me many times: “You’re scared, GOOD. That fear will keep you alert; now go ahead”.